Okay, I pretty much love Christmas. I know I shouldn’t, since I’m a God-hating liberal heathen and all, but I do. I love Christmas carols. There are now TWO radio stations playing all Christmas music all the time, and I listen to both of them, although not all day every day. You can only hear “Last Christmas” by Wham! so many times before you’re ready to blast Foo Fighters or something instead.
Wham! does have an exclamation point, right? I can never remember. Damn musical groups with their damn clever punctuation.
Anyway. I love Christmas. I bought a Christmas tree and everything, even though I knew there was a 75% chance that the tree would not survive its first night in a home with two 12-week-old kittens. So far, so good, though – although now that I’ve written that, I bet I’ll go home and find tree carnage from one end of the house to the other. I sometimes like Christmas shopping, once I get in a groove of finding just the right things for my loved ones. I like Christmas morning. I like Christmas dinner. I buy Christmas presents for the animals, even. I’m that nutso. I love cheesy Christmas cartoons and movies. I love how Family Headquarters has so many decorations that it looks like the North Pole vomited all over it every year.
And I’ll tell you a secret: IF they do traditional Christmas carols instead of that new age Christian pop crap, I even like going to the cantata at my parents’ church. I’ve even been known to become incredibly moved during the candlelit “Silent Night” part of the program. That’ll fuck with my indie hipster cred, so don’t tell anyone.
Despite my decidedly ambivalent views about my personal belief system (such as it is), I often manage to find a few moments of absolute grace during the Christmas season. Sometimes, it’s the only time all year when that happens.
I’m having a tough time getting into Christmas this year, though. Want to know why? I’ll tell you: it’s because of JERRY FUCKING FALWELL and his hysterical right-wing nutjobs running around screaming all day long about how Christmas is being taken away from them.
For those of you outside the South (and Lynchburg in particular), I honestly don’t know how much this is in the media, but it’s on the news almost every single day here. Christmas is under attack! Our constitutional right to Christmas is being threatened! If you’re going to call that tree a Holiday Tree then I want it back! I donated a Christmas tree, dammit, not a Holiday Tree! And so on.
It makes me sad and angry. It makes me want to stop watching the news. It’s making me forget how much I like Christmas, because whenever it comes up I get so irritated that I want to move away to a place where they don’t have Christmas at all so I won’t have to listen to people freaking out about how their fundamental right to decorate an evergreen and stuff their faces with food and spend hundreds of dollars on iPods and XBOX 360s for their kids is being attacked.
You know what else I saw on the local news? As of last week, there were still 800 angels left on the local Salvation Army Angel Tree. Last year at this time, there were only 200. That’s really sad. Maybe all those people who are bitching about having Christmas taken away from them should go get an angel off the tree and make sure a few more kids are able to have a good Christmas this year.
Now there’s an idea.