Delirium Tremens, Which I Thought Were Tremors Until Just Now

I am fucking annoyed this morning, and this is now the third consecutive post in which I have used the f-word. Not very long ago it occurred to me that I’ve been cursing much less frequently than I used to, but ohlook! I’m stressed the hell out and you know how some people eat more or drink more or smoke more or sleep more or fidget more or work out more when they get stressed out? Me, I curse more.

Sometimes I do a couple of those other things too, but mostly I curse more.

It also occurred to me recently that it’s pretty retarded to have an iPod, even if it’s an iPod mini, with fewer than a hundred songs on it. I may as well just carry around a damn boom box. I’ve been remedying that situation while I’m working, importing albums throughout the day, which has the added bonus of me getting to listen to cool music while I’m working.

I could of course do that at home, except oh wait I actually can’t because Verizon sucks and totally stood me up.

Normally Verizon doesn’t suck. Normally I love Verizon and want to have its babies. I’ve declared my love for Verizon on this and many other websites with regularity bordering on the obsessive at times.

But, see, when I was preparing to move, I had to sign up for all these utilities, right? And here’s what I needed:

  • electricity
  • a land-based phone line
  • high-speed internet
  • lots of TV channels, plus HBO

I needed electricity because duh, and I’m having a whole other issue with American Electric Power that may be ranted about another day if it doesn’t get resolved. I have Verizon Wireless as my mobile provider, and gave serious consideration to just keeping that and not getting a landline. But Verizon Wireless doesn’t have a tower in Lynchburg yet, so I had to keep my old number, which has a different area code than the area code in which I currently live, and I wanted to get Verizon DSL, which would require a landline. So I signed up for the landline. And at that time, I checked the number I was getting on Verizon’s website to see if DSL was available there, and the website said it was not. But I thought, well, this phone number hasn’t been activated yet, so of course the website’s going to kick it out.

So I called them and asked about DSL, on JUNE THE FREAKING SECOND, and they said oh yes, it was definitely available, and they signed me up for it and also tried to sell me DirecTV, which I declined at the time because I was in internet mode, not television mode, and I am incapable of multitasking with salespeople. But it seemed like an awesome deal, because I wanted DirecTV anyway, and this way I could get all three through Verizon and consolidate my deal and get discounts across the board.

Every single person I’ve talked to at Verizon, without fail, has been exceptionally friendly, patient, and helpful. This sales associate told me that they’d ship my DSL kit to my new address within 3-5 business days after I moved there, and that I could check the progress of my order, including the service-ready date, online.

The service ready date was June 29th, which was annoying, but I know that this delay is standard. But during my obsessive daily checking of the status website, I began to grow concerned because I noticed that my DSL kit hadn’t shipped yet. So on Tuesday, I called their tech support line and spoke with yet another incredibly nice guy, Mike, who explained many technical details of the DSL process to me and assured me that while they were having problems sending a DSL signal through my line, they had a specialist assigned to it, and that since my service ready date had not been pushed back, it was likely that the issue would be resolved.

It wasn’t.

This morning I got a form email saying sorry, DSL isn’t actually available on my line after all, and they hope it’s not an inconvenience, but I can check back periodically to see if it becomes available. Like right, I’m going to continue to be without internet for an unspecified amount of time while I wait to see if maybe just maybe Verizon will come through? No.

I totally feel like I’ve been stood up for my senior prom, which is VERY INCONVENIENT. And this no-DSL thing trickles down and is basically fucking up (there we go again) my entire life strategy.

Because if I can’t get DSL, then if I want high-speed internet I’m going to have to get cable. And I don’t really want cable, because Adelphia is the cable provider around here and I’ve heard just horrible things about their customer service, not to mention their actual service, and their web site is all sketchy and doesn’t give prices so you have to actually speak with them to figure out how much everything’s going to cost. I’ve looked into getting internet through DirecTV, but they use yet another provider for that and it’s hellaciously expensive and not even as fast as DSL. So that’s out.

And I may not be able to get DirecTV, even, because I have this massive oak tree outside my townhouse that’s like 400 years old, and while I’m not positive about this because my sense of direction sucks, I’m fairly certain that the massive oak tree blocks the view of the southern sky (necessary for the dish). So perhaps cable is the only choice anyway.

But I want Verizon DSL and I want DirecTV with TiVo so I can record two different channels at once, because I want everything to be exactly the way it was at home with no changes ever and so, basically, I’m really pouty about that stupid email from Verizon today. And I guess I’ll go to the Adelphia office at lunch and see what those bastards have to offer me. And I’ll be really positive about the whole thing, just like now.

8 Replies to “Delirium Tremens, Which I Thought Were Tremors Until Just Now”

  1. That does suck. They need to stop fucking up your life plan.

    P.S. Since the post you wrote the other day, I’ve been thinking about and craving Spaghettios.

  2. Just reading this post is giving me delerium tremors (tremens? tremors? Did we learn the difference at Medill — shouldn’t a school that’s all about spelling should teach you how to spell the condition it inflicts upon so many…?)

    Anyway, I dealt with the whole nature-limiting-access-to-easiest-and-cheapest-cable-option fiasco earlier this year. But then my oak tree died, dudes came and cut it down, I had sawdust all over my bedroom, and I got to deal with the even more exciting landlord-limiting-access-to-easiest-and-cheapest-cable-option fiasco. Because even though my neighbors on either side had Dishes, mine would be the only one to attract DishThieves. Obviously.

    So I feel your pain. Good luck reorganizing your life strategy around your bum of an internet-provider prom date. At least it sounds like you have a cute dress (Spaghettios and all — which I’ve been craving, too, Jessie!!)

  3. I am so anal that I just looked up the DTs on WebMD and learned that it’s actually “delirium tremens,” and that I am, as always, an idiot.

    Although since I studied film instead of journalism, I got a degree in making random shit up instead of a degree in getting the facts right. :)

  4. it is the cosmos asking you to watch less television!

    you can while away your time with the internet instead!

    i don’t get the whole tivo two things at once thing, but then, i never find the time to watch TV, especially now that sam is gone.

    thank god for wireless piggybacking though, or i’d be ready to kill myself this week.

    someday i might move!

  5. i Never knew what DT’s stood for either… I thought it had something to do with Detoxing… so like De Tox… ?

  6. I thought it was tremors, too. Until I saw that beer called Delirium Tremens and was like ‘wtf?’ And so I drank the beer and looked it up ’cause, like I said, I was like ‘wtf’s a tremon?’ And it’s what it says. Good beer though. Try it if you can find it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.