Open Letter

Dear Jake Plummer,

We’re making progress. I’ve complained and complained to you about the whole mountain man look, and I’m happy to see that you’ve been paying at least a little bit of attention. But seriously, for the love of all that is good in this world, LOSE THAT STUPID MUSTACHE. It makes you look creepy, and I hope I speak for most people when I tell you that White Trash Chic is not an acceptable replacement for Mountain Man Chic. You used to be so pretty, Jake. C’mon. Shave it.


PS – Great game!

14 Replies to “Open Letter”

  1. He (Tyrell) did okay against a pretty good defense – 112 yards and two touchdowns. I’m pretending that game never happened, though.

  2. yes, I’m a Denver fan. Living in Colorado for ten years does that.

    Also, I know you and I have been over this point before.

  3. ha! probably! i have no memory.

    also, nothing against denver. living for two years with a fucking broncos flag on the wall makes you cringe a bit.

  4. Maybe he thinks the facial hair is working for him… as a luck thing.. would you rather him look pretty and lose, or look scruffy and win… it’s a toss-up…

  5. He lost a lot more with the Mountain Man look than he did with the Pretty Boy look. Don’t you remember my theory last season that the facial hair was slowing down his passing?

  6. the facial hair doesn’t work. when he first came to denver from the suck-ass pee wee team that is Arizona, he was clean shaven, pretty boy Jake Plummer and we WON GAMES, shocker.

    note that he had mountain-man facial hair when we LOST to miami two weeks ago.

    and with a name like Jake, he should try to make himself seem a little less trailer-park-ish

  7. Dear Joe Electrician,

    You’re sporting the Permanent 5 ‘oclock Shadow look again. I really like it. Thank you.

  8. remember when plummer made the cardinals respectable for a year? that was fun.

    also, i stil contend that the bears threw darts at the weall and thats why they decided to experiment with kordell instead of signing jake the snake.

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