Nevermind that I have a million bills to pay and that I’m supposed to be moving whenever I get the cash saved up and that I’ve been wearing the same pair of contact lenses for like a year and that my health insurance no longer covers routine vision care and that I’m allegedly trying to save and that things keep creeping up on me and that I spent like fifty bucks on makeup this weekend and that I’ve already allotted my entire tax refund even though I haven’t actually gotten it yet.
It’s only $30! I came in late to work today because of the ice and considered running by the mall first to get the coat. This is bad! Evil! I’m in serious crazy lust with a pink coat! I covet it!
If this pink coat were a boy I’d buy it drinks at the bar and give it a booty call on my way home after last call. If this pink coat were a boy I’d skip eating lunch in the cafeteria so I could hang out in the hallway making moony eyes at it instead. If this pink coat were a boy I’d be all coy and take just a little longer to get ready so it could get a little impatient until it saw me coming down the stairs in a short skirt and realized the wait was well worth it. If this pink coat were a boy I’d make a big deal out of not letting it touch my boobs on the first date, but on the second we’d go all the way in the back of its car. If this pink coat were a boy I’d flirt with other boys around it to make it jealous. If this pink coat were a boy I’d have it over for dinner and squeeze its thigh under the table when my parents were talking about how kids have no morals these days.
I think I need to get this coat.