Missing: One Swiffer Duster

Someone stole my Swiffer Duster.

And I’m really annoyed about it, because I bought a whole new box of Swiffer Dusters specifically to use in my office, and then it took me like four weeks to remember to even bring them to the office, and I definitely don’t know where the box of replacement duster-things is but I know that the Swiffer Duster I keep ready for dusting and spider-killing is. NOT. HERE.

If I see a spider, how am I going to kill it?

If I see dust, how am I going to pick it up?

I get a lot of spiders and dust in my office. My Swiffer Duster is a weapon and a tool that keeps me safe and comfortable during the workday.

One of the housekeepers saw my Swiffer Duster the other day and commented on how awesome they are, so I think maybe she accidentally thought it was her Swiffer Duster and walked off with it sometime this week.

In my old office, I swear the housekeepers (who came in after hours) used to steal my pens at night, but only the good pens. Only the Pentel R.S.V.P. medium point pens and the Pilot Precise V7s. They completely ignored the nasty scratchy Uni-Ball fine point pens that I hate, and the crappy Bic Crystal Stic pens, and the hideous 1965 felt-tip pens. I got into the habit of hiding the good pens in my drawers under papers and napkins and stuff, and leaving the crappy pens out on the desk in the big latte mug as decoys. Strangely, they continued to not disappear.

I was also convinced that the housekeepers moved my office furniture a fraction of an inch every night, so that I would go crashing into some part of it every day. Bastards.

But anyway, Lobsterchick’s recent entry about the Swiffer Wet Jet reminded me that my Swiffer Duster is missing and I had apparently trauma blocked the whole incident. I want it back. Now.

9 Replies to “Missing: One Swiffer Duster”

  1. I know of at least two people who refer to them as “Swifters.” And I agree, those things are pretty (think of a word other than awesome to insert here). They kill the fuck out of spiders and they also nab ant colonies off linolium pretty well.

  2. My old roommate Matt insisted they were SwifTers too.. even when we showed him the box that clearly said swiffer on it, he was like “NO THE SECOND ONE IS A T!!!” But it wasn't.

  3. i've never heard anyone use the “duster” part. it's alwasy just a swiffer. ith the newly coined verb “to swiff” not far behind.

  4. a Swiffer Duster is not the same creature as a Swiffer. Swiffers are for floors. Swiffer Dusters are for dusting and killing spiders.

  5. The Swiffer, and it's compliment, the Swiffer Duster, are loves I've not yet tried on. Like shot-gun weddings and dwarves, I haven't gleaned the appeal.

  6. I nearly freaked out and flipped out when I found myself cleaning ant colonies off linolium last night. I was like “Dude, didn't I just comment about this earlier today?” And then I checked and was like “Dude, I TOTALLY commented about this earlier today!”

  7. hey, you hear yet?

    About the Swiffer Duster? Yeah, that's too bad.
    Yeah, too bad that.
    So, anything else happen – d'ya know?
    Naw, that' all -just the missing the duster.

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