things i do in traffic:

  1. Examine the tire treads on other cars and make judgments about whether they should get new tires.
  2. Read bumper stickers.
  3. Ruminate (but who are we kidding?  I ruminate everywhere.).
  4. If the car behind me has multiple people in it, try to determine if they’re fighting.
  5. Try to figure out if anyone around me is listening to the same radio station as I am.
  6. Count the number of people who are/are not wearing seatbelts and judge the ones who aren’t.

things I do NOT do in traffic (but other people do):

  1. Read the newspaper (or a damn book for crying out loud).
  2. Put on makeup.
  3. Fix my hair.
  4. Shave.
  5. Take selfies.

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