Shopping to Thirst to Nervous to Scared (related to Shopping)

I bought an old-school Nintendo on eBay the other day, and I want it. Now. Nownownow. I want to call in sick to work one day and play Super Mario Bros 3 all day long.

I need to go update my big erasable wall calendar, but it’s all the way over there and I have to move a table and find a bottle of water to spray and really, that’s a lot of work.

Also online this week, I have preordered The Future Soundtrack for America and the yellow wristband. I meant to order both several weeks ago, but was between paydays and busy packing for my trip around the eastern seaboard, so I’ve just now gotten around to it. I’m an online shopping fool.

I’m really thirsty lately. Like, really really thirsty. As in I start to get a little nervous when I don’t have something to drink nearby at all times. I’m pretty sure I don’t have diabetes, though. I’m just thirsty.

Speaking of getting nervous, I was driving in to work today when this big tractor-trailer went to pass me, and as he was driving by I glanced over to the left lane and saw that he was hauling a GIANT FUCKING ANCHOR or something. I mean, it was seriously huge. With giant dinosaur-sized chains attached to it. And I have this bizarro paranoid issue with big machinery and the like, and I seriously had trouble breathing until the thing was out of sight. It was scary.

And speaking of scary, on Sunday I was at Target picking up Ginny’s birthday present before her birthday lunch, and I was sitting in the car getting it all arranged in the gift bag when someone knocked on my window and scared the everlovin’ crap out of me. I looked over and there was a homeless-lookin’ dude standing there, and for some crazy reason I rolled my window down a notch like he asked.

Why? I don’t know. Sometimes I tend to be more concerned about seeming rude than I am about my personal safety. I have a feeling this is pretty common among young women, and I’m sure Hugo will have plenty to say on the topic when he gets back from his trip to wartorn Colombia. Well, maybe “wartorn” isn’t quite the right word. Maybe it is. I’m getting off track.

So I rolled the window down. And this guy introduced himself, launched into some crapass story about how he traveled down from New Jersey two months ago to make a football jersey for his mother (showing me the MOM tattoo on his arm for maximum effect) and then he did the scariest thing of all.


I seriously had that window open barely enough to fit a hand through, and he squeezed his through and I visibly recoiled from the invasion of personal space and then, like an idiot, I shook his damn hand. Briefly. (See: manners vs. personal safety, above.)

He went on and on, offering to wash my car, to take me out, to do ANYTHING I wanted if I would give him some money for food because he hadn’t eaten in three days and when I said, politely, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you today and I’m late for my sister’s birthday party,” his face completely changed and although he didn’t say much else, his body language became completely threatening. After a second he walked away, and I got the hell out of the parking lot.

You know, I was ready for that stuff in the city. I hated it, but I was prepared for the possibility, and I tried to be smart and not linger in my car or balance my checkbook in there or anything, and I always have my doors locked when in the car, and questionable characters would even sometimes approach my car at stoplights, but I was ready.

I was not ready to be solicited while sitting in my car in the Target parking lot in freakin’ Roanoke, Virginia at noon on a sunny Sunday. And it freaked me out.

When I got to the restaurant and told my parents, my mom insisted on calling the store to tell security, and I was fine with that – I just didn’t want to do it myself because I kind of wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened.

But what if he hadn’t walked away? What if he’d had a weapon? And I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s EVER okay to approach a young woman (or anyone, for that matter) sitting in a parked car. I was only there for a minute. Ick. It was scary.

I want my Nintendo.

8 Replies to “Shopping to Thirst to Nervous to Scared (related to Shopping)”

  1. What the hell, man? I think that even beats my story about the guy at Hardee's demanding that I buy him a hot dog! Anyway, when you get your Nintendo, you better call me. I will get off my pregnant ass to come play some Super Mario 3. I am SO JEALOUS. Do you think that would be a weird thing to put on a baby registry?

  2. You do know that the phone call to make would be to your mayor's office. Security could kick him out of the Target parking lot but that doesn't get him off the streets. He didn't hold you up, he just intimidated you with his presence – kinda makes me think of Frankenstein.
    I can picture it now, the town of Roanoke armed with torches, let by Target security in their little rascal scooters chasing after the guy who made them uncomfortable.

    That said, I'm sorry you had a scary encounter while running errands. You could do what I do and <a href=”

  3. Start carrying mace. Its easy to use in a fast/scary situation and is not much bigger than a tube of lipstick. Also, I still have a Nintendo with super mario bros 3 on it. Sparky and I hauled it out of the basement a month or so ago and played with it. Much fun.

  4. Actually, something of that ilk did happen to me at Wal-Mart… this guy sidled up to my mom and me as we were getting in the car. Suddenly, out of fear paralysis, I COULDN'T FIND MY KEYS. He came over and asked me for cab fare before I got in the car. I told him I don't carry cash but that there was a bus that went down that street that I'm sure could take him wherever he needed to go. I'm a fucking glutton for punishment.

    And dude, I have Super Mario All-Stars (SMB 1, 2, 3, and the lost levels) on Super Nintendo, and I still sit up at night playing it sometimes. Don't use the flute; that's cheating.

  5. I always comment on the thing no one else does… the yellow wristband!! WTF is it? I clicked and looked… did you buy like a pack of them? please tell me you didn't spend 100 on that, but if you did, I want one. But, do you think they are made out of latex?

  6. Okay, so no one is willing to take up the fight against homelessness in the richest country in the world. (actually, we're second in GDP) – 1. I was attracted to the wristband, thought to buy it (several) and then was told by my local 7-11 attendant that I was/am out of money. :(
    2. I generally tell guys I don't carry cash – I say, “Sorry man, I've got plastic.” Often though, I'll look them straight in the eye and hear 'em out for a sec; often I'll shake their hand. Of course, I'm 6'3″, male and don't slouch.3. Ginny's last question to you made me laugh. I don't know why. Happy Birthday (belated, whatever) Ginny; I'm also glad you're on the mend.

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