Delusional

I am completely and totally addicted to LifeSavers Gummies. You know, the ones with the five new flavors. I am very picky about the consistency and flavorfulness of my gummi candies, and these gummies are consistently squishy and fruity. Unfortunately, sometimes they give me a tummyache. But that might be because I convinced myself that LifeSavers Gummies are good for me and ate an entire seven ounce bag of them in about twenty minutes.

In other delusional news, I spent many hours during the last two days playing Top Spin on Ginny’s new Xbox, and I am so damn good at it that I have convinced myself that I missed my calling as a pro tennis player. I am certain that I would be awesome at tennis if I put a racket in my hand and stood on the court. The only thing not-so-good about Top Spin is that we have determined that it is absolutely impossible to create an attractive player. Which is why my female pro is named Fuggie. The only thing saving Fuggie from her hideous face is that her DNA sample happened to provide her with a ginormous set of boobs.

Oh, the other thing is that the developers clearly spent more time developing the men’s side of the game rather than the women’s, because the men have more intense gameplay and more awesome moves and more attitudes to display than the women do. I’ve spent most of my time playing with Fuggie, and no matter how hard I try, Fuggie never dives for a shot. Homer Dee, on the other hand, dives all the time and is pretty good at it. Homer Dee is also ugly, though, and is best viewed from afar.

I also want you to know that Anna Kournikova recently kicked Fuggie’s ass in her first pro tournament, and believe me, Fuggie will have her revenge.

I’m not finished with my Christmas shopping yet and I really wish I were, because people are starting to get really mean at stores and I have a lot of trouble dealing with that. I may or may not have cried about it on Saturday. So yeah, I need to find some time, maybe in the middle of the night at Wal-Mart or something, when I can go out and minimize interaction with other human beings, most of whom seem to be convinced that everyone is out to steal the last hot toy or roll of wrapping paper out from under their fingertips.

My Christmas spirit tends to come in waves and is waning a bit right now. Maybe we’ll have an upswing before the big day actually arrives. I hope so!

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