Today I’m going to be one of those people and do a list entry. It’ll be a reference point for later when I’m all famous and popular and such, and besides, it’ll let me indulge my need to talk about myself in fifty points (if I can come up with fifty). I’ll call it:
1. I was born in Ceiba, Puerto Rico. Not that I remember any of it, so they may be lying to me.
2. I have a tortoiseshell cat named Sasha who barks like a dog and has recently begun a life of petty crime. She’s starting small, breaking dishes and generally destroying things, but I’m sure in time she will progress to bigger crimes like carjacking.
3. I have three younger sisters of varying heights, ages, and personalities.
4. When I was 6 or 7 years old, I entered a contest where you had to draw a picture of Santa Claus. I won a six-foot-tall stocking full of toys and games and stuff. Throughout this contest, I was certain that I would win and was really arrogant about asking my parents daily if we had received the stocking yet.
5. I am the only person in my family who is left-handed. I try never to hold it against them.
6. I have never broken a bone or been hospitalized overnight so far in my life.
7. I think that possums are the freakiest creatures living on the planet. When I’m driving around in the backwoods at night, sometimes they rise up from the side of the road with their scary little eyes and rat tails and I am forced to try to run them over in an attempt to purge the world of their presence.
8. My great-aunt owns the country stores used for location filming in the movie What About Bob?. No, I’ve never met Bill Murray.
9. I have never traveled overseas (except for the alleged birth, which doesn’t really count).
10. I will never date a man who has a mullet. If photographic or reliable witness evidence surfaces indicating that he has sported a mullet in the past, I will deal with that on a case-by-case basis.
11. I once rescued a goat who was suffocating to death because he had jumped out of the back of a truck and was hanging by his neck rope.
12. I think that Achtung Baby was a better album than The Joshua Tree.
13. I twirled flags in the colorguard for almost ten years. I was really good at it, so it’s unfortunate that it’s a completely useless skill.
14. My feet are unnaturally large for my height.
15. I wrote the word “tittie” on my college application. I was accepted.
That’s all for now – stay tuned!