i traded it to the sea witch for some legs

All of a sudden I find myself with all kinds of things to say – so many, in fact, that I hardly know where to start.

Here is one thing: it is probably not a good idea to start your day off by eating an ice cream sandwich for breakfast. I have no excuse for it – there are two unopened boxes of Special K sitting in the pantry as we speak – but I had run out of my recent favorite breakfast food, Quaker Cinnamon & Spice Instant Oatmeal. Nothing else compares to its amazing wonderfulness. I don’t even know if you’re supposed to capitalize every single part of its name or if that’s even the right name, but it’s magic and I love it and I’ve been eating it every day for breakfast for like 6 weeks. It was on sale for $1.87 (normal price: $3.99) at Kroger for a long time and every time I went in I would buy every single box of it. And now I’m out. And so I compensated by eating an ice cream sandwich.

Here is another thing: I am currently nearly recovered from my very first ever case of true laryngitis. I’ve been hoarse many times, but I’ve never lost my voice the way I lost it last week. Did I mention I was at a conference when it happened? And that I was scheduled to give a 90-minute presentation? And that I woke up that morning sounding like a freaking insane goose? All of these things are true. I powered through the presentation and went rapidly downhill from there, to the point where people literally could not listen to me without wincing or laughing. Sometimes both. I had to give another presentation for a work thing on Friday and I really, really wanted to do it, and I tried, and it wasn’t happening. So I croaked and whispered and honked in my supervisor’s general direction and she interpreted for me. A good time was had by all, as far as I could tell. Now I’m on the tail end of the “phone sex operator” phase of the whole laryngitis thing, and I’m really wishing I had used that opportunity to make a little extra cash. Maybe next time. I always think of good ideas immediately after their period of usefulness has passed.

And something else: I have been introduced to the magical wonders of scotch. Mmm, scotchy scotch scotch. Fortunately, I’ve been introduced to very expensive scotch, which should keep me from becoming a scotchaholic, all out using my phone sex operator voice toward my next bottle of Balvenie or whatever. Good God, I finally understand why all those crusty lawyers are all scotching it up in their wood-paneled studies all the time. That stuff is good.

Shopping list: wood-paneled study.

Oh hey, I had a birthday! Thanks for all the nice notes from those of you who remembered or were reminded by Facebook or MySpace (and thank goodness for those). I’m 28 now, which means I should maybe think about not saying “dude” in meetings anymore. I celebrated by working my tail off at a conference, then hanging out with the Geico gecko and a bunch of fish at the Georgia Aquarium, then eating the crappiest steak in the whole world, then getting blazingly intoxicated, watching other people sing karaoke, and conking out face-down on my hotel bed at some late hour. Honestly, it was a pretty kickass birthday even though I was already starting to lose my voice at that point.

Awesomeness: vendors. They will buy you all kinds of pretty drinks if you have purchased or might purchase stuff from them. File that away, future real-world worker bees.

I am insane, as I have recently agreed to work on a conference committee AGAIN next year. But even though I did that and my cat destroyed my shower curtain this morning and I’ve been sick and I work my tail off, I’m actually feeling just slightly better than okay right now. And I’m off to meet Sammi for some fried chicken. Yum.