i traded it to the sea witch for some legs

All of a sudden I find myself with all kinds of things to say – so many, in fact, that I hardly know where to start.

Here is one thing: it is probably not a good idea to start your day off by eating an ice cream sandwich for breakfast. I have no excuse for it – there are two unopened boxes of Special K sitting in the pantry as we speak – but I had run out of my recent favorite breakfast food, Quaker Cinnamon & Spice Instant Oatmeal. Nothing else compares to its amazing wonderfulness. I don’t even know if you’re supposed to capitalize every single part of its name or if that’s even the right name, but it’s magic and I love it and I’ve been eating it every day for breakfast for like 6 weeks. It was on sale for $1.87 (normal price: $3.99) at Kroger for a long time and every time I went in I would buy every single box of it. And now I’m out. And so I compensated by eating an ice cream sandwich.

Here is another thing: I am currently nearly recovered from my very first ever case of true laryngitis. I’ve been hoarse many times, but I’ve never lost my voice the way I lost it last week. Did I mention I was at a conference when it happened? And that I was scheduled to give a 90-minute presentation? And that I woke up that morning sounding like a freaking insane goose? All of these things are true. I powered through the presentation and went rapidly downhill from there, to the point where people literally could not listen to me without wincing or laughing. Sometimes both. I had to give another presentation for a work thing on Friday and I really, really wanted to do it, and I tried, and it wasn’t happening. So I croaked and whispered and honked in my supervisor’s general direction and she interpreted for me. A good time was had by all, as far as I could tell. Now I’m on the tail end of the “phone sex operator” phase of the whole laryngitis thing, and I’m really wishing I had used that opportunity to make a little extra cash. Maybe next time. I always think of good ideas immediately after their period of usefulness has passed.

And something else: I have been introduced to the magical wonders of scotch. Mmm, scotchy scotch scotch. Fortunately, I’ve been introduced to very expensive scotch, which should keep me from becoming a scotchaholic, all out using my phone sex operator voice toward my next bottle of Balvenie or whatever. Good God, I finally understand why all those crusty lawyers are all scotching it up in their wood-paneled studies all the time. That stuff is good.

Shopping list: wood-paneled study.

Oh hey, I had a birthday! Thanks for all the nice notes from those of you who remembered or were reminded by Facebook or MySpace (and thank goodness for those). I’m 28 now, which means I should maybe think about not saying “dude” in meetings anymore. I celebrated by working my tail off at a conference, then hanging out with the Geico gecko and a bunch of fish at the Georgia Aquarium, then eating the crappiest steak in the whole world, then getting blazingly intoxicated, watching other people sing karaoke, and conking out face-down on my hotel bed at some late hour. Honestly, it was a pretty kickass birthday even though I was already starting to lose my voice at that point.

Awesomeness: vendors. They will buy you all kinds of pretty drinks if you have purchased or might purchase stuff from them. File that away, future real-world worker bees.

I am insane, as I have recently agreed to work on a conference committee AGAIN next year. But even though I did that and my cat destroyed my shower curtain this morning and I’ve been sick and I work my tail off, I’m actually feeling just slightly better than okay right now. And I’m off to meet Sammi for some fried chicken. Yum.

7 Replies to “i traded it to the sea witch for some legs”

  1. I’m sorry i missed the Lorie birthday, but i assure you my belated well wishes are as sincere as any of those delivered on time.

    Happy birthday, Ms Lorie.

    PS. I like Cinnamon & Spice Oatmeal as well. But when the store doesn’t have any, don’t let yourself believe apple & cinnamon is a reasonable substitute. It is a poor stand in.

    PPS. Scotch is gross, you boozehound.

    PPPS. Phone sex operator voice?

  2. Well it’s been awhile. too bad you dont work with the phones anymore cause that would be fun to call a lady and ask to speak to her husband with that voice…

    I too love the Cinnamon and Spice, but I have to disagree with Thomas in the Apple and Cinnamon is quite nice. I also like the maple brown sugar one too…

    I wish I could be taken out be vendors and given free drinks and pass out on my bed face down, oh how I wish I was you…

    I have yet to try the scotch thing but must get on that seeing as one day I will be a lawyer. Once that happens I will invite you my wood-paneled study for scotch and whatnot…

    Next step to becoming like you is to work insane amount of hours and join a conference committee…

  3. Glad to have you back, and thanks for sending that random the-world-is-tiny comment my way.

    Scotch caused one of my two alcohol-related vomiting incidents. The other was due to a flaming shot on my 30th birthday….

    Homecoming this year? Start planning now?

  4. Scotch can be very addicting, and can age one faster than it aged itself. Karaoke night and you woke up hoarse? Scotch singing, it actually happened to me at the last Christmas party when the newbie parking attendants failed to write down where they had parked the 80+ cars, and took an hour and a half on the average to find people’s cars. My wife waited in the queue while I helped a couple of other friends finish off the remainder of a gallon of 25 year old Chivas Regal. I was told later that I sang a few songs in my trademark Scottish accent…a low voice the next day, with shades pulled lower. I stayed sober for a month just to prove a point.

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