I was 12 or 13 the last year I went trick-or-treating. I knew it was time to hang it up because no one would give me candy. Seriously. I was out with my sisters, who were solidly in trick-or-treating ages, and the people at the houses kept thinking I was just a chaperone in costume and didn’t give me anything. So I was put in the very awkward position of either having to tell the person that I was, in fact, also trick-or-treating, or I’d have to walk away with no candy. As if life isn’t awkward enough when you’re 12 or 13.
Tip: If you have to tell people that you are in fact trick-or-treating, you’re too old to go.
So anyway, yeah, I did get trick-or-treaters on Tuesday – a lot of them. Some of them appeared to be seniors in high school and were questionably costumed at best. I gave them candy because I am a sucker and a doormat and didn’t want the confrontation of asking them to go to hell and leave the candy for the kids.
Sammi came over and promptly announced that I’d gotten sucky candy, so thanks, Sammi. I started out giving two pieces each and quickly realized that wasn’t going to last, so I had to cut back to one piece for each kid.
My very first trick-or-treater was a boy about 2 or 3 years old dressed as Spider-Man. This was kind of cool because I dressed as Spider-Man for a couple of years when I was about that age. Tiny Spider-Boy’s mother yelled at him and spanked him when he tried to help himself to candy from my orange bowl, which was kind of awkward and not so fun for me. I didn’t give a crap if he took it himself – I’d held the bowl down low for exactly that reason. I can’t imagine what this woman would have done to me when I was a kid, since I’ve been told that I went through a phase where I just walked into people’s houses without knocking and helped myself to their candy.
One little tiny boy came dressed as a cowboy on a horse. His horse’s head had come untied and was flopping over to the side and so he appeared to be a tiny, pissed-off cowboy riding a tiny dead horse. I gave the tiny, pissed-off cowboy his one piece of candy and he just stood there. And he continued to stand there. Finally, his mother was like, “I think he wants all of your candy.” She had to drag him and his little dead pony away.
Honestly, I’m kind of bummed about the candy-handing-out experience. Almost none of the kids even said “trick or treat,” and many of them didn’t say “thank you” and their parents didn’t remind them. I tried to ask them all what they were dressed as and if they were having fun, and most of them totally ignored me. It was like, they knocked on my door, I answered it, they silently stuck out their bags, I gave them candy, they peeked in after it, and off they went to the next house. I had the one kid get a spanking in front of me, and I had the not-even-costumed high school kids with damn Kroger bags, and, I don’t know, it was just kind of awkward and not very fun.
The person who was the best sport about it all was the actual UPS guy who delivered a package I’d been expecting around 6:45. We asked him if he wanted candy and he said he’d love some and took a couple of pieces and thanked us and went on his way. He’s a really cool UPS guy and I always like talking to him when I get boxes. I guess no one else had offered him candy with his deliveries.
Was Halloween always so commercialized? Damn, am I officially part of the Peanuts gang now? It seemed like it was so much more fun when I was a kid.
I am a crochety old lady.