I was 12 or 13 the last year I went trick-or-treating. I knew it was time to hang it up because no one would give me candy. Seriously. I was out with my sisters, who were solidly in trick-or-treating ages, and the people at the houses kept thinking I was just a chaperone in costume and didn’t give me anything. So I was put in the very awkward position of either having to tell the person that I was, in fact, also trick-or-treating, or I’d have to walk away with no candy. As if life isn’t awkward enough when you’re 12 or 13.

Tip: If you have to tell people that you are in fact trick-or-treating, you’re too old to go.

So anyway, yeah, I did get trick-or-treaters on Tuesday – a lot of them. Some of them appeared to be seniors in high school and were questionably costumed at best. I gave them candy because I am a sucker and a doormat and didn’t want the confrontation of asking them to go to hell and leave the candy for the kids.

Sammi came over and promptly announced that I’d gotten sucky candy, so thanks, Sammi. I started out giving two pieces each and quickly realized that wasn’t going to last, so I had to cut back to one piece for each kid.

My very first trick-or-treater was a boy about 2 or 3 years old dressed as Spider-Man. This was kind of cool because I dressed as Spider-Man for a couple of years when I was about that age. Tiny Spider-Boy’s mother yelled at him and spanked him when he tried to help himself to candy from my orange bowl, which was kind of awkward and not so fun for me. I didn’t give a crap if he took it himself – I’d held the bowl down low for exactly that reason. I can’t imagine what this woman would have done to me when I was a kid, since I’ve been told that I went through a phase where I just walked into people’s houses without knocking and helped myself to their candy.

One little tiny boy came dressed as a cowboy on a horse. His horse’s head had come untied and was flopping over to the side and so he appeared to be a tiny, pissed-off cowboy riding a tiny dead horse. I gave the tiny, pissed-off cowboy his one piece of candy and he just stood there. And he continued to stand there. Finally, his mother was like, “I think he wants all of your candy.” She had to drag him and his little dead pony away.

Honestly, I’m kind of bummed about the candy-handing-out experience. Almost none of the kids even said “trick or treat,” and many of them didn’t say “thank you” and their parents didn’t remind them. I tried to ask them all what they were dressed as and if they were having fun, and most of them totally ignored me. It was like, they knocked on my door, I answered it, they silently stuck out their bags, I gave them candy, they peeked in after it, and off they went to the next house. I had the one kid get a spanking in front of me, and I had the not-even-costumed high school kids with damn Kroger bags, and, I don’t know, it was just kind of awkward and not very fun.

The person who was the best sport about it all was the actual UPS guy who delivered a package I’d been expecting around 6:45. We asked him if he wanted candy and he said he’d love some and took a couple of pieces and thanked us and went on his way. He’s a really cool UPS guy and I always like talking to him when I get boxes. I guess no one else had offered him candy with his deliveries.

Was Halloween always so commercialized? Damn, am I officially part of the Peanuts gang now? It seemed like it was so much more fun when I was a kid.

I am a crochety old lady.

5 Replies to “halloweenie”

  1. Our candy-handing was awesome. The kids were polite, the parents were mindful but not mean, and even the slightly-too-old girls who didn’t have jokes sang a little song in Spanish (they were with their parents, each of whom was holding a twin baby, each dressed as… bumblebees. Mexican babies dressed as bumblebees. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone). Some of the kids made up terrible terrible jokes, and the friend whose house I was at had devil horns superglued to his head, which prompted some very satisfying screams.

    I hate to brag after you confessed your miserable experience, but I couldn’t even hand out candy at my own house, due to the set-up, so there we go.

  2. I never understand Halloween when it takes place in the middle of the week. I think everyone is a little unsure of their attitude on mid-week Halloweens.

    So please don’t write it off just yet. Wait for a Thursday or Friday Halloween when you have more of the general public adding to the frenzy. Perhaps the kids will be better about it then?

    My words are so comforting, aren’t they?

  3. I was Paul Bunyon at one of the elementary school grade’s houses in the neighborhood, which they focus on and decorate to a theme. Had a fake beard, a big axe across my shoulder, flannel shirt, suspenders, jeans, boots, you get the picture. Lots of other old fashioned lumberjack implements and portions of tree trunks lining the walk.

    I greeted all the kids with a hearty welcome and asked if they wanted a trick or a treat. The young ones always said ‘treat’ though the older ones often said ‘trick’. So I asked them how long it took light to reach here from the moon, which only one came close to answering (it takes about 1.3 seconds, and one kid said 2 seconds). So I said, “Consider yourself tricked”.

    I gave them candy by holding it high in the air and seeing if I could drop it in their bag, which almost always worked. I finished off with a “stop back by again when you can stay later” to the kids and the parents, and we all had a good time.

  4. you’re not a crotchety old lady, that story was sad. and well, i guess this *does* make me sort of an “in my day” person, so maybe we *are* getting old, but i do find that people have no sense of courtesy or manners or politeness anymore.

    i think it’s because now it’s our generation that is raising kids, and i guess we’re/they’re rebelling against the stuff they were taught by our parents? or they’re just fking lazy or something? or maybe they’re all the kids we knew in school who were spoiled and coddled and had the parents that said “not my kid?”

    who knows. that was a sad story and i don’t blame you for being disappointed and blah about it. gah and grr on your behalf.

  5. Aww dood, that sucks.

    If it makes you feel any better: I didn’t get *any* trick-or-treaters. But then again I didn’t get home from work until after 7PM. Also, on my way home I had asked Scott to at least put up a sign to let people know we were accepting trick-or-treaters (and I’m still chuckling over the fact that the sign he put up said “CANDY” and nothing else), but still, nada. Oh well, maybe next year. =)

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