Dance Dance Dance Dance Revolution

Sammi and I were not planning to go to Family HQ this past weekend. I had just finished a week that felt like it lasted two weeks, my house was filthy, I had no clean laundry, and I was just generally cranky and crampy and exhausted and not feeling like checking the mail, much less driving an hour to HQ to interact with other human beings. Sammi had a similar week, and had the culmination of her sorority rush stuff on Friday and Saturday. Ginny had called on Thursday while I was out to tell me she was going home and I never called back, because I suck. Ginny is convinced I’ve been screening her lately, by the way. So on Friday, I called home about something else, and told them I hadn’t planned on going home that weekend but if I changed my mind, I’d let them know.

But my mom has a sneaky way of luring her brood home when she wants us all there, and this time her bait was a cookout and a 4-way DDR tournament. The cookout alone wouldn’t have done it, and she knew it. So the grand attraction was the DDR tournament.

We Hoovers like to do things about five years after they’re out of fashion, so Ginny just bought DDR for her Xbox some time in the last couple of weeks. That’s Dance Dance Revolution, for you two or three readers who might be more behind the times than we are. Ginny’s hooked, and has been playing every day, and she brought it home with her and got Jamie and my mom hooked too. Dad is not about to get on the dance pad; he’d much rather watch and laugh at everyone else. They had so much fun with it that they decided to go out and buy three more dance pads so everyone could play.

The lure of the 4-way DDR tournament was too much to resist, and after Sam got done accepting a bid from Sigma Sigma Sigma, we got in the car and headed west, fully prepared to kick some ass in true Team 1 fashion.

When my sisters and I split into two groups for games or buying movie tickets or whatever, we call ourselves Team 1 and Team 2. This is partly because of the age gap between us – Ginny and I are two and a half years apart, as are Sammi and Jamie, but there are five years between Ginny and Sammi. So it’s almost like two sets of kids. Sammi and I are the older kids in each set, and therefore we’re Team 1. Ginny and Jay are Team 2.

Anyway, we got home, and Mom was waiting out on the porch for us, and everyone was itching to get the revolution started right away. The mats were already set up and ready to go, everyone had a cup or a bottle of water, and Jamie encouraged us to change into shorts so we could move better. This was going to be some hardcore business. I felt like I should have been wearing tube socks and a sweatband.

Here’s a news flash: I totally suck at DDR. I cannot decide if this is surprising or not. You’d think that, after all the years I’ve spent in an activity (colorguard) that heavily incorporates dance, I’d be able to do really well at something like this. But the problem is that I have no rhythm and I’m completely uncoordinated. I don’t know how this works. I was always very good at every part of colorguard, including the dance. I can do (or could do, way back when) a proper pas de chat, but I look like a lunatic on a dance floor, and I suck at DDR. By some miracle, I won on a Clash song and on a Blackalicious song, and by complete accident on the What a Feeling remix. I came in 3rd or 4th on every other song. Sammi is about as bad as I am.

Guess who else sucks at DDR? My mom. This is also odd, because my mom loves to dance more than any of the rest of us. But she could never find the rhythm, and she was always a bit behind the beat, and she compensated for every late step by cursing and stomping the fuck out of the next step. Our house literally shook from the thunder of my mother’s incompetence.

Ginny and Jamie kicked ass, and managed to make it look very easy. Ginny’s been practicing for a while, so I guess that’s her excuse. Jamie’s good at everything she tries, which is probably why she did well here.

It’s really kind of a problem that Sammi and I suck so much, because all four of us are intensely competitive and terrible losers. That’s a lethal combination. Things got so heated at one point that I think Dad threatened to turn the power off if we didn’t stop cursing. We hoped that shoving Ginny and Jamie off of their dance pads mid-song would help us win, but it didn’t because we were concentrating too hard on messing them up and missed more of our own steps than usual. A second strategy involved stepping on other people’s dance pads to mess them up. And yet they still kept winning.

It’s really traumatic for me to lose to my sisters. I should be the best at everything all the time. I practiced my ass off on Sunday after Ginny left, and I’m thinking I need to get an Xbox or PS of my own so that I can wipe the floor with those bitches the next time we’re all together.

7 Replies to “Dance Dance Dance Dance Revolution”

  1. “Ginny and I are two and a half years apart, as are Sammi and Jamie, but there are five years between Ginny and Sammi.”

    This is like a logic problem that I am failing to solve. I tried!

    Also, I LOVE DDR. And oh man, I will kick your ass in Karaoke Revolution.

  2. Thank god you defined DDR because I was clueless…though I spotted a dance-based game being played in an arcade in Tokyo.

    And last night in Yokohama’s Chinatown we passed on the street a game machine that was, basically, a wok pan with a fire-looking ring hovering over it. When you moved the pan (the handle stuck outside the game’s protective bubble), the fire ring moved with it. Beneath the wok were little spiked balls that I assume fly up and around this bubble during a game. The object appears to be to catch the items in the wok.

    I wonder if there’s an Iron Chef game.

  3. holy fuck. this is hysterical. no, i didn’t know what DDR was, and i was hoping it wasn’t a pesticide or a role playing game.

    this is ridic. i’m finding it wonderful and great that your mom plays. i’ve seen these things in arcades and whatnot, and i’m convinced that although i love to dance and can keep time, that i would be horribly, crushingly embarrassed by these things.

    this post ruled, though. i’m totally competitive and love to trash talk and love board games and all that shit. love it.

  4. I loved that when Sammi tried to shove me off, not only did she trip and fall but I kept in perfect time with the arrows, too. Too bad no one really dances like that :( I’d be a Dance Dance Machine.

  5. This is too funny! I’ve always kinda sorta wanted to try DDR, but I never had the guts to try it (I’ve always seen it at the arcade). Sounds like a blast.

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