yes, you’re being rejected

I got a hit from this google search today:

Is “I’ll let you know” a rejection?

If we’re talking dating here, I’m thinking yes.

Which reminds me: Karl, who needs a nickname to keep him anonymous, called me on Monday night, leaving a bitchy voice mail that accused me of never having my phone on and never returning his calls. I felt guilty. I called back.

“What’s up?” he says.
“Nothing, I’m just driving home from work.”
“Work? It’s 9:30.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said, and explained my whole work hours situation.

So then he says, “Well, give me a call when you get some free time.” I say okay, he says goodbye and hangs up.

What was that?

Also, I’m already sick of, because 90% of the guys on it appear to be complete idiots. For example: don’t send me an email talking about how you’re looking for a good Christian woman and think we’re a perfect match, because obviously you didn’t fucking read my profile. I know this because I quite clearly have a line under “faith” where I say that I’m not down with the church. At all. There are many things that describe me but “good Christian woman” isn’t among them. And while I’m at it – quit saying things like this:

I’m looking for a gorgeous, intelligent, slender/fit/athletic woman who cares about her appearance. She can look beautiful in an evening gown and pearls or just hanging out around the house. She takes care of herself but doesn’t need makeup to look pretty. Et cetera.

First of all, every other guy on the site wrote that thing about dressing-up/dressing-down. Second of all, why don’t you just go ahead and say “no fat chicks”? Because that’s what we’re all reading.

It’s not like I’m bitter or offended by that statement, because for starters, I wouldn’t describe myself as a fat chick. However, I’m certainly not a slender one either. I could stand to drop a few pounds. But what does bother me is that someone who writes something like that seems to have a weight limit in mind, and I’m not down with meeting someone who’s going to be visually calculating my BMI in a bar to see if it meets his standards.

Especially when he has a mullet and a molester mustache.

Anyway. I actually went ahead and paid the stupid $12.95 a few days ago, and not only have I only sent one email since then, but I’m also already completely sick of the whole thing and ready to cancel.

Clearly I don’t understand guys, or relationships, or dating, or anything.

15 Replies to “yes, you’re being rejected”

  1. Hey Lorie, I just ran over from Annika's site. Good stuff. But I have to point out that I've noticed lots of my girlfriends whine about weight issues on internet dating thingies (heh, i said thingie), but they themselves have no qualms about saying things like “I won't even consider a guy who's shorter than x feet.” And while pounds can be shed, there's not a damn thing a guy can do about his height.

    By the way, do you know any single ladies with mullets?

  2. I don't understand any of that either… and you can add girls to the list. Because I understand them even less.

    Like why would you tell someone that you got their voicemail message (as if there was only one – not two (which there were two – not one)), without having responded to either message at all. And why did you get “the” message “this morning” when I left the first two nights ago at 7:00 and the second last night at 8:30. And why have you still not responded to either message… at all.

    The “you” in question is definitely not you Lorie… it's just a general you… (like anyone will believe that).

    But it's definitely not you. It's someone else.

  3. Lorie, check out – or even Onion Personals. Really, going from a site that's strictly about dating can be pretty lame, but if you start out from an online magazine (whatever) that's a bit in line with you dig, you're bound to have so much more luck. Really, dump the Match thing and look around.

    Oh, and I think I figured out the “later” “I'll let you know” “I don't know right now” or *no reply* thing: It means they don't want to talk to you. Either anymore or right now, whatever, it's just that – also, I think it means that, no, you don't get an explanation, I don't care, I'm done now.

    Best to toss it aside and figure “better to learn they're a jerk early and upfront.”

    I come from a coold, coold place.

  4. My heart goes out to those caught on the ferris wheel of dating. On one hand, you have your freedom; on the other, no firm relationship foundation. What makes a person a good candidate? I've learned quite a bit since being married (after being single quite a while). Someone supportive, open-minded, and sincere, but no pushover. Someone who will make an excellent mate/friend/companion, and not be boring (though it's not all grins and giggles day in and day out). Someone who will be a loving, intelligent parent, but not lose sight of their partner.

    I could go on and on, but the person above doesn't exist. But many do who approach such a profile, though they usually don't hang around much in bars. Volunteer organizations tend to be magnets for these kind of people.

  5. Actually,, The Onion, Modern Humorist, Fark and many others all use the same SpringStreets Networks database. So you'll see the same folks at all of em, but it's a different entry point. That said, that particular database is still a little better than Match (but don't believe for a second that the people there are miraculously less shallow… they've just got different priorities)

  6. No, see, I did the thing – in fact, still have a profile there although it's currently not posted – and the problem there was that there were only a handful of users from my area. Most of them are in major metropolitan areas, it seems. Still, I might go back there. Or, you know what? Better idea – I might just ditch that whole gig entirely.

  7. yeah, go for the ideal mate that will suggested instead. because, you know, you' ll have better luck that way. o_O

  8. I think maybe they should just be honest with you up front and name the site “dudes who scope out pics of hotties, and no matter how much they don't have in common, hit on them” It really is sad. I mean the two choices are “a few pounds overweight” or “obese”. Okay, who in their right mind would choose obese? I mean I'm more than 3 pounds overweight, but I'll be goddamned if I'll choose the obese category, might as well say “has leprocy” or “outrageously horrible breath” or “picks nose”. There is no in between.

  9. stick to the apple-butter-chest-rub fetish sites. that's where all the cool guys hang out. i would never be caught dead using online personals. ahem. um, yeah.

  10. The problem is there are just as many losers, freaks, dickheads, on online dating sites as there are in real life… which is like… A LOT!

  11. Girlspeak examples: “i don't know” means “no.” “Maybe” means “yes.”

    Examples: When a guy asks “Can i give you a call sometime?” If the girl says “i don't know.” it's no, give it up. When a guy asks “Do you still talk to your ex?” If the girl says “maybe.” She means yes, Don't bother with her anymore.


    (i hate those sites as well.)

  13. It's funny – I'm in your same category, I think: I'm certainly not perfect, nor do I look good in everything, but I look fucking fabulous in some shit skinny chicks would look ridiculous in.

    Let's not lie – I get puh-lenty of attention at bars and parties. But if I were to throw a description up on the internet, complete with measurements, I'm certain I wouldn't be drawing any potential mates.

    Hey, I'm a tall girl myself, and I give short guys a lot of credit for intelligence, personality, and sense of humor. It's what really fills out their skin that ultimately matters, because a frigid brick of muscle's got nothing on a little firecracker with moves.

    Just keep that in mind. Assholes.

  14. The apple-butter-chest-rub fetish sites is where mike met his roommate and husband, Dave anyway. They are too cute.
    …but really I remember the thing coming up before and I must say all of them suck. Either they're lame-os (loved the molester mustache comment- I'll use it later) or gigolos. You'd like to think you're okay, so there are probably other people on there that have arrived there just like you, but you're probably kidding yourself. You know you don't belong on there deep down inside…probably just bored. Use it for what it is- a time killer and a way to interview freaks without the danger of meeting them.

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