Metallica, Dog Mafia, and Other Tales

June 26, 2003

The other day they aired some show about Metallica on MTV, and Sam and Ginny were like “Why did they agree to do this? People can watch it, and they might tape it, and give it to their friends who don’t have MTV, and those friends will be getting to see it for free, and that’s taking food out of their kids’ mouths!”

* * *

Also, the Dog Mafia set up a roadblock today.

Our neighborhood has this pack of dogs – some of them might be strays, but I think most of them actually belong to people. But we live in Redneckville where people don’t train their animals or take care of them. So there are about 7 dogs in the Dog Mafia. Six of them are black dogs, and the don is brown and white, like a collie.

The Dog Mafia frequently employs intimidation tactics to keep the neighborhood in line. Sometimes they sleep menacingly in the yard on the corner. One time, we drove by and they were all lined up, sitting on rocks by the side of the road. Just to remind us that they were there.

Today when I left for work, the Don and his right-hand dog, his capo or whatever, were sitting in the middle of the road. Did they get up and run away when I approached?

No, because they are the DOG MAFIA.

So instead they just sat there and stared at me until I stopped the car, and the Don sent the capo up to collect the road toll, and then they stepped aside and I went on my way.

Actually I think the capo might have slapped a little baggie of crack under my fender before they left. I’m not sure.

* * *

I took Sam shopping last night so she could get wifebeaters and men’s shorts for basketball camp, and we had to go to Barnes & Noble to pick up a book for the summer assignments for her AP History class. So we get the book and get in line, and the old cardigan-wearing librarian-ish cashier lady, who probably watches a lot of PBS and has a tote bag with cats embroidered on it, said, “Will you be saving 10% today?” You know, to try to get us into the Loyal Reader program or whatever it’s called. And I wasn’t even really thinking about it, but I said, “No, we’re going to pay the full price. We hate saving money.”

That old cardigan-wearing librarian-ish cashier lady got so tickled she could barely finish ringing us up.

Also, we ate at our favorite place in Roanoke – CiCi’s Pizza. They’re all remodeled! Woo!

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