excision

So, hi.

I’m having surgery tomorrow to remove a cyst I’ve had on my left wrist for many years. In the last several months, it had become troublesome to the point that it was severely limiting my range of motion and interfering with my daily activities, so I went to my doctor about it and then to a hand specialist and now tomorrow I’m having surgery.

It’s not a big deal, but it kind of is a big deal. In the grand scheme of things, it’s pretty minor. I won’t be undergoing general anesthesia because I had an adverse reaction to it once in the past, so instead I will be heavily sedated with a regional anesthetic to numb my arm. The incision will be just an inch or two long, across the top of my left hand, and the surgeon says it will be a simple, quick surgery. It’s outpatient, so I’ll be home tomorrow and out of work for the rest of the week, and hopefully back Monday.

But I’m nervous. I’ve never been cut before. I had laser surgery three times in high school on my feet, but that seemed different somehow, and it was a really long time ago so I’ve trauma-blocked most of it. So I have this whole feeling like I have to get everything in order before I go in tomorrow, just in case. All my work needs to be done and all my errands need to be run and my house needs to be clean and the cats need extra food and litter and blah blah blah.

And it’s my hand. My left hand – my dominant one. And I’m not going to be able to use it for a while, but I don’t know how long, and it’s going to hurt, but I don’t know how much, but on the other hand it hurts now which is the whole reason I’m doing this in the first place. So maybe it hurts more for a while and then not at all. Or maybe it doesn’t even hurt that much after surgery. I don’t know. But I use my hands every day, and I like my hands, and I want them both intact and fully functioning and I need to quit freaking out but it’s MY LEFT HAND and what am I going to do without my left hand? How am I going to hook my bra and tie my shoes and eat and brush my teeth and stuff?

Oy. So as you see, I’m in a bit of a state. Wish me luck. I won’t be able to type with my left hand, but I’ll try to give you an update somehow.