I ran a WordPress version upgrade on the site last night and now the comment count on the latest post is not updating properly when I receive new comments. I’m not sure what’s up with that, but just wanted to let you know. Don’t stress.
So, on to the topic of this post.
Last night, I had an absolutely hellaciously horrible nightmare. It was bad. And I don’t think I really want to go into the specifics of what happened, but let’s just say that it was a combination of something that actually happened a long time ago and something I’ve been stressing out about recently, and when I woke up I was so freaked out and upset about it that for a while I was afraid to open my eyes even to check the clock. When I finally did, I saw that it was about 4:30 in the morning, halfway through what I’ve always believed to be the witching hour.
I don’t often have nightmares. When I have a bad or upsetting dream, it’s far more likely to be a sad or regretful dream than a scary one, and even the sad/regretful dreams are rare (although I did have one of those not long ago). This one really threw me for a loop. I cannot remember when I last felt so absolutely powerless and frightened as I did during the dream and for a long time after I woke up from it, and then again when I got up for the day. All day today I’ve been a little off because of it.
It was awful, and I’m not really sure how to deal with it. When I initially woke up from it early this morning, after I gathered enough courage to check the clock I shut my eyes again and just kept telling myself that it was only a dream. I thought about calling someone, to have them reinforce that I am actually living in the normal world, and it was just a dream, and that it isn’t really going to happen, but I’m grown-up enough now that I no longer think it’s a good idea to wake people from a sound sleep just to have them help me feel better about something, and I don’t know who I would have called anyway. I didn’t turn on the light or get out of bed or, really, move any muscles, because I was still frightened enough that all of those things seemed like a bad idea.
When I was a little girl, I went through a phase where I totally believed that I was going to be abducted by aliens. When we moved to Virginia, the dead silent country nights only exacerbated that fear, and I frequently had alien abduction nightmares. When I’d wake up from those dreams, I would stay absolutely perfectly still, with my eyes closed, until I fell back asleep, because I was sure that if I opened my eyes, I might find an alien standing next to my bed and that it would be more likely to take me if it knew I was awake and aware.
This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, of course, and now that I’m a relatively adult-type person I think the whole alien abduction thing is kind of funny.
But during the witching hour this morning, even though there were no aliens in my nightmare, I went with the stay perfectly still strategy and it seemed like the best possible idea at the time.
I’m upset and annoyed that this dream is haunting me so much today. This is the downside of being a creative type who’s prone to really vivid dreams, I guess.