Making a Sandwich with a Potato and Wonder Bread

I have an amazing ability to cause the team I’m rooting for to lose games. This happens most often with football, but can happen with other sports as well. It has become enough of a trend that my family will sometimes ask me to leave the room if the team isn’t doing well and the outcome of the game is particularly important.

Yesterday, I was in our computer room working on getting rid of all the spyware on my family’s PC while my family watched the Broncos in the living room. I’d turned the game on so I could listen to it while I was working, and at one point I went tearing into the other room all in a tizzy.

I was all, “I don’t understand what’s SO DAMN HARD about throwing the stupid football to someone wearing the SAME COLOR SHIRT as you’re wearing. GET A SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT, JAKE,” and other such things because I believe that Plummer’s bad habit of throwing picks all the time in the later part of the season was directly related to his shaggy mountain man look. If only people would listen to me. Anyway. I’m getting off track.

So after all my ranting, Sammi was like, “Are you watching the game?” and, well, duh. I said I had it on in the background and practically everyone in my family screamed, “No wonder they’re playing so badly! TURN IT OFF!”

I really wanted to watch the game, but because we love the Broncos, I made a sacrifice and agreed to watch something else until halftime, at which point I’d check in and see if it had helped. So I flipped over to VH1 to watch 40 Most Awesomely Bad #1 Songs, and after hearing a Peter Cetera/Amy Grant pairing compared to “making a sandwich with a potato and wonder bread,” I checked in.

“How are they doing?” I asked, and my family was all dejected, like, “It doesn’t matter what you do now. They’re cooked.”

So once they were finished cooking, despite their late 4th quarter attempt at playing football, we decided that we needed to choose another team to root for. And I picked Green Bay.

And, well, you probably know how that went.

4 Replies to “Making a Sandwich with a Potato and Wonder Bread”

  1. Well, as far as the mountain man look goes, maybe Johnny Damon might have done better than Jake yesterday.

  2. Dude, I’d do the grizzly adams if i could grow a damn hair on my face.

    also. why are you a broncos fan?

  3. Because we lived in Colorado from 1982 until 1992, and besides, who would we root for from here? The Redskins? I don’t think so.

  4. Well thank you for cursing Green Bay, because I am a rabid Vikings fan. I was wondering what upset in the universe caused them to win.

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