No one looks hotter than I do with inflamed sinuses. There’s just something about a girl who looks like she has two black eyes that really drives the guys wild.

You know, I didn’t know until recently that the black eye thing was an actual phenomenon. They call them “allergic shiners.” I thought I was just weird.

I ate nothing but carbs for lunch. Seriously, I walked into a restaurant and ordered a big-ass bowl of carbs and I sat there and just plowed through them.

I’ve avoided writing because I’m really busy pressuring myself to come up with something light and witty and coherent, but the problem is that I don’t have any life experiences to draw on right now. There’s nothing going on. I don’t go out anymore. I’m not seeing anyone. I spend a lot of time by myself. I work a lot. I drive a lot. I read sometimes. I think too much. I don’t sleep enough.

We’re all holding our breath for tomorrow, when Ginny has her next doctor’s appointment. They will tell us then if her restrictions are lifted, and if so, what happens next. I really wish someone would just sit us down and say “Okay, this happens and then this happens and then this happens.” But that’s not what we’re getting. Instead we know NOTHING until we move to the next phase of her recovery. Then we’re told only what happens during that phase, but not what happens after that. Since we have no experience with people healing from multiple broken bones, we don’t have any damn clue how long it’s going to take for her to be walking, or even to be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom by herself. And when I say “we don’t have any damn clue,” I mean it. Will it be two weeks? Four weeks? Will she be walking in July? August? Sooner? Later? Will she go back to the rehab center? Will she get a different wheelchair? Will she get a modified seat for the toilet and shower? Will she get a walker? Will anyone tell us anything about anything?

And if she continues to need full-time care after this week, my mom is about to run out of paid leave. And she’s the breadwinner, so she can’t afford to stay at home without pay. None of us can. So if Ginny still needs someone with her at all times, it’ll be my turn to do it.

I don’t know. I’m worried. I’m hopeful. I’m tired of talking about it and I wish people would quit asking me about it. It’s so much more complicated than anyone realizes, between health issues and insurance issues and bills and work schedules and I don’t even have to deal with the brunt of it.

Too much has happened in the last few months and I’m running out of room for it all.

9 Replies to “Worry”

  1. You know, there's nothing I like better than a girl with puffy, inflamed eyes with dark rings and track marks and… oh, er, yeah, that sucks about Ginny. I mean, it sucked first of all but healing – when you have hope again – that's gotta Suck when it just won't get better already!
    On the other hand, amazing, no?, that her body, right now is working to heal itself from being totally broken. That's pretty cool.
    At least you do know that you're young and cute and old men reallllly dig you. I mean, not every girl can say that! You know, not every girl your age anyway.

  2. I suppose they have to be super-cautious and not plan the next step until they've seen how she's doing. I mean, if they give you a schedule of how things “should” go and it takes longer for her to do something than the schedule says, you might get impatient and push things, or get upset and sue them for lying or something. Stinks, though!

  3. i've never heard of sinus shiner-thingies. wow. that sucks.

    from what i gather you're doing okay handling all the ish that you are. i would have already started going around knifing people out of sheer rage.

    P.S. you were right. my degree was in the box… and i owe SMU over $250 in health center/bookstore fees.

  4. They don't tell you because they don't know! If the bones are healed enough she'll start bearing weight. How it goes from there will depend on her pain level and how much strength she has. Once she's able to put weight on her legs things will get moving. (shower chair will be very helpful!)

  5. With Ginney they will probably see the rate of healing and then set her up with a walker. Most likely physical therapy will occur first though. Overall they will attempt to go at the pace Ginney's body can handle. Note that the first couple weeks of moving for Ginney will be very difficult and most likely painful, so just let her take it at her comfort level of activity. If at all possible time in a swimming facility is recommended, most docs should go this route. ie moving in water that is approximately her height as the water both supports the bone structure as well as allows for ease of movement/muscle development.

  6. You know, that totally worked for Christopher Reeve.

    <a href=”http://www.abcnews.go.com/sections/GMA/GoodMorningAmerica/GMA020917Reeve_Doc.html

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