Well, I’m pleased to report that I am wearing clean clothes that match today.

In other news, I woke up late and totally slacked around on getting ready for work. Finally I got my shit together, called my secretary and told her I was running late, and got on my way.

Side note: there is a backhoe on the construction site that keeps coming perilously close to my office window. I just know it’s going to come crashing through and I’ll be all like hey there, backhoe.

Anyway. So I’m driving down the road and I notice that everything looks really odd and blurry and that I’m getting an excruciating headache, weaving around, and generally having difficulty concentrating on the road. I’m wondering if I’m getting sick or something, when all of a sudden my left contact begins to bug the everloving crap out of me. I go to kind of rub at it and realize what the problem is.

My right contact is missing.

And I know it’s nowhere in the car. In fact, I know the exact moment when I lost it.

Normally I don’t put in my contacts until I’m already dressed for work. But this morning I put them in right after I woke up, because I can’t stand to sleep in my contacts and so I figured if they were in I’d have less of a chance of conking out while sitting on my bed. So I was sitting on my bed in my very cute pajamas and my eye started to itch.

And so I rubbed at my eye with a closed fist, like a five-year-old.

And then I was like owwwwwww as my contact got ground into my eyeball.

But I thought I hadn’t dislodged it, because when I sort of gingerly felt around my eye it seemed like it was still there.

So. I lost it. It’s probably on my bed somewhere and in six months I’ll find a little crunchy blueish thing and be like what’s — ohhh.

For now, though, I’m driving down the road half-blind.

Ginny has the day off from work today and has a curse where she always has to drive somewhere to rescue someone on her days off, and I called home and she answered and I wheedled her into bringing my glasses to a halfway point, which she did.

Because she is the Best. Sister. EVER!

But now I’m all dorky wearing my glasses at work and driving is tough without sunglasses, on which I am fairly dependent.

And I don’t think I have any contacts left and I surely have no money to order more until the end of the month.

I may have a backup pair in my travel makeup case but I believe they are tainted with jalapeno juice from when I made guacamole and foolishly rubbed my eyes afterward.

I’ve only needed round-the-clock corrective vision gear for about a year now, and I’m a chronic eye-rubber, so clearly I’m still getting used to the whole thing.

20 Replies to “contact”

  1. yeah, that's the one. is that bad? dorky? maybe. i can't keep track of what's cool, but i love that song.

  2. Hey Ya is great. Also, I am sorry that you have had these consistant morning disasters. It's pretty awful really. It actually too bad.

  3. liking outkast — any outkast – will never be bad or dorky. you should check out “aquemeni.” kick-ass album. or record. or whatever they call it these days.

  4. Agreed with Mike–Aquemini (“Da Art of Storytelln'”)is good, as well as ATLiens (“Elevators”)and Stankonia (“Bombs over Baghdad”).

    Anyways, I have extra contacts if you want them, the boxes are collecting dust as we speak (type). They're gray though, and my Rx is -1.50 for both eyes. :)

  5. I don't want to get “too cool for school” on you, but “latest single”? It's been around for like, 100 years. I guess it still is their latest single, but you totally sound like my mom. “I love that new Rod Stewart song!” “Maggie May, mom?”

  6. maybe in the bustling metropolis of st. louis it's been out for a hundred years, but in my sleepy hamlet in southwest virginia, it's fairly new. pfft.

  7. p.s. you guys, it's not like i've never heard of outkast before. i'm not THAT outta the loop. i even have one of their CDs. i just don't remember which one.

  8. hee. It's Stankonia. I actually had to look it up because I'm really bad at remembering things like that.

  9. Ah, yes, the bustling metropolis of St. Louis. Where a star is born every day (and promptly moves somewhere else), and all the trends are born. Well, reborn, in a much dorkier fashion, after having been born much cooler somewhere else.

  10. Among my group of friends down in So Cal, liking Outkast was both bad and dorky. But I've found that in Nor Cal, everyone and their mom is an Outkast fan. When you ask people who their favorite rapper is, their response is always, “Tupac. Oh, and Outkast.” His “latest single” plays at least 100 times a day on the radio…and I have been able to find the inner Outkast fan deep within me.

  11. do not be fooled, as a compadre in glasses, we are hot muther f'ers and men are hopelessly weakless to our four eyes. ditch the contacts, embrace the inner snl news chic within you:)

  12. I just gotta say, Tina Fey is hot. And it has nothing to do with the fact that she is a UVA grad and uber-wealthy. ;)

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