if you have to ask, you can’t afford it

More in my matchdotcom saga!

So I went back and un-hid my profile, and then the responses, they came flooding in. You know how you can go ahead and pay and subscribe and then you can send emails, or you can be a cheap bastard and just send a “wink?”

Yeah. I got a wink from ANOTHER PERSON I know in real life.

This time it was my sister’s enior prom date. Who is, in her words, “all married and stuff now.”

Ahem. What are you doing on matchdotcom if you’re all married and stuff?

Her theory: “Maybe he sent you a wink because he recognized you and just wanted to say hi, but didn’t want to buy the subscription or anything.”

I don’t know, dude, but I’m pretty sure there’s a place for reuniting with people you know from high school. It’s called classmates.com. I don’t know of many people who cruise personals sites looking for long-lost high school acquaintances, but of course I could be wrong.

So. I got some responses. And most of them are – well, interesting. Except not really. Question: why do guys do that thing in pictures where they sit and tilt their heads way back like little gangstas and look down their noses as if they are bad-ass? Because that pose immediately disqualifies any other good traits they may have. And also, it looks really stupid.

But then, the greatest disappointment of all: I got a response that I’d actually like to respond to. And so last night I spent some time writing a little note back. And I sent it.

And oh, look, it bounced, because matchdotcom makes you subscribe to send any communication – unlike other sites where you must subscribe to initiate conversation, but can respond free to others who have contacted you.

But you get three days free!

But on the fourth day they charge you $24.95 for the month.

Or, the non-promotional rate: no free days and $19.95.

Which I find especially squicky considering that I checked on the price a couple of days ago when I first started this whole circus, and it was only $12.95 for a month then. So what’s that about, you cheap mofos?

I can’t afford to drop twenty bucks on something like this at the moment. So it releases me from having to respond to anyone who sucks, but then there’s that one. Who seems smart and wrote a nice little note, and isn’t doing the I’m-a-dick pose in his photo.

And, as always, I am too poor.


This whole thing is stupid anyway.

And I am 12.

And very tired.

8 Replies to “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it”

  1. Aww, sorry. I found a boy on there once who was perfect for me, absolutely perfect, and… same thing. Couldn't happen. I hate today.

  2. You crack me up, that match.com thing really sucks. It's like they come across as wanting to help you out, til you find out you're paying $25 a month for the possibility of meeting someone who may or may not have lied on their little profile. It kills me how much of a racket these things are. A couple years a go one service got sued for falsely creating attractive guys and girls and throwing them in random areas just to get people interested. fuckin scary what soem people will do in the name of business.

  3. I've tried match.com and went on…4 or so dates. All of the men seemed like androids to me- human bodies with CPU brains and boring as I'll get out. Salon.com personals/Nerve seemed to be better pickin’s…but like you, I didn't want to pay. I ended up customizing my entire profile for the one guy I liked on the whole site. He never saw it. So, I ran off copies of his flyer and posted it all the places his profile said he went- it told him to go to a place to find a clue about me. Basically, I stalked him. Still, he never saw it. Finally, I paid the cash money and met him. …turned out, he went to school days and worked during the nights he had no life to speak of. Android again.
    We need a support group for on-line dating failures.

  4. Yeah… I would just like to add how classy it is that some of those guys pictures have other girls in them! WTF…

  5. I know! Either they have other girls in them or else they have cropped out pictures of their wives/ex/children. Or they try to make themselves more attractive by posing in front of home/sportscar/boat/motorcycle/cute puppy. If you aren't sure about him, at least he's bought cool stuff

  6. I would like to point out that I belonged to no less than 5 different online dating services at the same time about a year ago, and received nothing. No “hey”, no “nice profile”, not even a wink… Girls have it much easier on internet dating sites… Guys are desperate for poon. Whereas nice introverted guys like me never get anything. It's that whole double-standard. The guy is supposed to ask, the girl isn't.After a month and a half I removed all of my profiles and canceled all of my free trials. It was more depressing having them up than having nothing at all.

  7. I like using http://www.collaboradate.com . It’s free, easy to use and doesn’t cost anything. Pretty cool! They have Date mapping with Google maps, and you can contact people any way you want (IM, email, etc.) They also have the ability to contact users on any other paid dating site for free. SWEET!

    That’s just my 2 cents!

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