Tag: life

may 1 will be a brand new day

Let me tell you something about April. April is an absolutely pathetic crackwhore of a month smeared in dog poo and covered in parasites. If April were a person, I would kick April in the face repeatedly until every single one of its nasty, rotten teeth fell out, and then I’d pull April’s arms off and beat April to death with them. I hate April. April has most certainly been the worst month in what, prior to April, had been looking like a pretty terrific year, and at the rate we’re going, April 2009 may very well be a frontrunner in the contest for Worst Month of Lorie’s Life, Ever, No Matter What. April sucks and I hate it and I won’t miss its ugly-ass face one teeny tiny little bit. In case I haven’t been clear here, I fucking detest April.

With that said, there’s one major reason I’m alive and sane enough to witness April’s inevitable demise, and that reason is a 6’3″ software engineering, video game playing, insane philosophizing, adorable, wonderful, superboyfriendy package of awesomeness named Seth.

Even the most good-natured, generous, patient, supportive person on earth would probably struggle to be a consistently excellent friend to someone who’s had a month like I have had. I would not wish this month or the fallout of this month on anyone. But it has to be especially trying when you’re asked to drop everything and be there nearly constantly for your girlfriend of only a few months, who is mourning a man she loved before you and recovering from surgery on her dominant hand all at once. That’s a test no relationship should ever have to face, much less one in its relative infancy. All of a sudden, I found myself both physically and emotionally incapable of the independence I cherish, and to my great and pleasant surprise, Seth planted his feet and has been absolutely, unwaveringly here for me.

It wasn’t a surprise because of anything his behavior up till now had led me to believe. It was a surprise because I truly had no idea what to expect, and because I’m used to trying to drag myself through everything on my own. My family and friends have been great, too, but it’s been Seth who has literally been right by my side all month. He has helped me get dressed and make food and clean myself when I couldn’t do it on my own, and he’s helped me work through the first loss I’ve experienced of someone very close to me. He’s been incredibly patient and kind and has been able to anticipate everything I need and give it to me without giving me any indication that it’s a strain on him.

If you know me well, or have been reading for a while, you know I try to find lessons in all the crummy things that happen. This has been pretty damn crummy indeed, and I’m still figuring it out. But one tiny bright spot in this hellish month has been the increased closeness I’m feeling with Seth. I’m not sure we would have gotten so much closer this month if all had been smooth sailing. My hand is much better now, but my heart and soul are still in need of a lot of healing. Luckily for me, I know he’s not going anywhere.

6 Comments April 30, 2009

sunshine daydreams

So, here’s the thing. I’m supporting Barack Obama, which should be a surprise to exactly none of you. But I really want to tell you why, even though you can read everyone else’s why on everyone else’s blogs. I want to tell you my why.

I want to be someone who surrounds myself with people who challenge and inspire me, in the hopes that I can learn to challenge and inspire others. I want to be the kind of person who accomplishes great things through vision and persistence and creativity and integrity, and I want to learn to be that kind of leader by following others who already have all those qualities.

I’ve never truly been excited about a candidate for any political office before, though I have been pretty consistently voting for Democrats. I voted for Mark Warner and Tim Kaine and John Kerry and Jim Webb. I liked them all well enough. I hoped they would win. I thought they’d all do a good job. Of the four, Mark Warner comes closest to exciting me, and I really do think he’ll make a fine President one day, should he choose that route. But I am really, really excited about the possibilities of a country led by Barack Obama.

Throughout my life I’ve frequently found myself to be the youngest or least experienced member of the crowd. The biggest obstacle I’ve had to overcome in my career so far is my age. I used to get really frustrated when I’d hear that people really thought I was great but just wished I were a few years older. Though I get down on myself an awful lot, especially lately, I know logically that I have accomplished far more in my 28 years than some others have in their lives, and I’d like to believe my best is still to come. So age and experience? Feh. They mean something, but they don’t mean everything.

The leader I’ll follow does not have to be the most senior in the room, either by age or experience. The leader I’ll follow has to be wise and resourceful enough to look to experience where he is lacking, and to be open and willing to learn. At the very tippity top of the ladder, I believe the very best leaders know how to motivate those under them to be their best, and they surround themselves with experience where it’s needed.

Barack Obama makes me feel hopeful about my own future and the future of my country in a way I haven’t felt for a very long time. I truly believe that our circumstances can improve, that it’s entirely possible for us to look back on these years later and say, “Those were really good years.” I believe that we can do more than we thought possible, and that the right person will guide us to do exactly that. I don’t feel anything of the sort when I think about a country led by John McCain. I’m not afraid or horrified at the thought, but I just think, “…oh.”

In 1961, John F. Kennedy emerged from his greatest public failure to make a bold statement: that we would put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. People thought he was nuts. Even though he wouldn’t live to see it happen, we made it happen because he said we could. He was not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination, and he wasn’t a perfect President. But he challenged and inspired us, and we’re better off for it.

The people we respect and love the most through history are the ones who dream big, who take risks, who are willing to fall on their faces in pursuit of an ideal. Those are the people who make great things happen. I believe Barack Obama can be one of those people, and I want to see him try. Really, what do we have to lose?

5 Comments August 26, 2008

10 things other people are doing

  1. Buying houses
  2. Getting married
  3. Having children
  4. Moving to new cities
  5. Starting new jobs
  6. Getting graduate degrees
  7. Traveling overseas
  8. Going out with friends
  9. Describing themselves and their lives with words like “perfect,” “happy,” “lucky,” and “blessed”
  10. Achieving the things they try to achieve.

5 Comments August 12, 2008

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