Not So Much

So I was groggily dozing my way through The Today Show this morning and they were talking to Elizabeth Smart’s uncles (and how cool/odd/incredible is that whole thing, anyway?) and they’re asking if she has talked about what happened while she was with the kidnappers. And then all of a sudden Katie Couric says something like “We’re all dying to know – did she say if she was abused or sexually assaulted by her captors?”

“We’re all dying to know” ?? She delivered this question in the same tone of voice you’d use to say “We’re all dying to know – did you meet any hot guys on that singles cruise?” I mean, of course everyone is curious, but Jebus, way to phrase it in a really awkward and inappropriate manner. Boo to you, Katie Couric.

Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that Katie’s been looking a little rough lately? I think they’re overbleaching her hair and dressing her in fugly clothes to make her look younger or something, but she should just go with the aging, if you ask me. She’s a perfectly good-looking woman. But her hair is so light lately that her skin looks blotchy and she always looks really tired.

Leave a Comment March 13, 2003

Cartoon Nostalgia

Okay, dammit. I wrote a whole new entry this morning before I had to get ready for work and when I went to submit it, the stupid thing got all chomped up in the server. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP and like that all of my eloquence was gone forever. So here’s the new, less eloquent version of it:

This weekend we got an urge to see Puff, The Magic Dragon. We used to have it taped on a VHS tape with a bunch of other cartoons. But then at some point in the past several years the tape got separated from the spool and then we couldn’t watch it anymore. Until now.

barybabe took the casing apart and reattached the tape to the spool and voila! we were able to watch Puff!

In one sense, watching it and singing along to all the songs for the first time in years was this wonderful, pure nostalgic childhood joy. But then we also had to watch it as adults, playing Spot the Drug Reference and tearing other aspects of the poor cartoon to shreds. Such as the following:

– Why does Puff have a vest drawn on only the front half of his body? And when he goes to put something in or take something from his pocket, he just kind of pulls out a flap of skin and sticks the object in there. Isn’t that weird?

– If Very Long John really can make a bunch of different kinds of pie, do you think he made them a POT PIE before they left for Honalee?

– When Puff was pulling all that stuff out of his “pockets,” we were like hemp! Rolling papers! Wax? What’s the wax for?

– Also, in the shots of the former Honalee, the pretty one, there’s this suspicious-looking brown pile with eyes dancing around in the midground. Maybe it’s mud, but how jolly can mud really be? We think it’s a big steaming pile of unicorn shit.

While watching it, we kept making marijuana jokes and at one point tallgirlsam was like “damn, I need some Cheetos.”

There are other cartoons on this tape, most notably The Chipmunk Adventure. That is some hardcore childhood nostalgia right there. We used to watch that movie all the time. ALL the freakin’ time. Every weekend when my friend Holly and I would have sleepovers, we’d watch it and act out the plot. I always got to be Brittany Chipette because I was the coolest, and also because I was blonde and Holly had dark hair so she had to be Jeanette.

The BEST part of the whole movie is the showstopping musical number “Girls of Rock & Roll.” You know, when they’re in the Greek ruins and Dave has just figured out they’re all there and the boys and girls have just stopped their balloons in the same place and they have a sing-off? And then at the end when they’re leaving they stand on the sides of the hot-air balloon basket and hang onto the ropes and keep singing? That was the best.

Seriously, I’m so glad that tape is fixed.

Leave a Comment March 11, 2003


Ahh, what a weekend.

Despite the gorgeous weather yesterday, it turned out that I was too damn hungover to do jack squat. So instead I took a shower and a nap and hung around the house.

So today it was gorgeous AGAIN (spring fever! whee!) and so tallgirlsam and Witchy and I went out for our usual Target expedition. But first we went to Old Navy so I could get some flip-flops. I tried on the very same mint-green ones that uclafan87 bought but ended up getting hot pink flowery stacked ones instead. And THEN we went to Target, where I bought a purple polo shirt and a jump rope and almost got another pair of flip-flops (retro red). And THEN TG and W and I were eating chili-cheese dogs in the food court with barybabe who was on her break when the cutest boy in Roanoke walked through the front doors.

Seriously, he was lovely. He had that trendy longish shaggy hair and dark jeans and a white button-down and a muy guapo face. He looked a little like a Sim, though. Hee!

So we stalked him and his friend. TG decided that she NEEDED to look at bandannas since Cute Boy and Friend were trying on hats in the menswear department. But I think they figured out we were stalking them because they left pretty quickly after that.

THEN we left and got my car washed. Hurray for that multi-colored foam stuff! TG was like “I feel like I need a joint right about now.”

* * *

I made THE most random-ass mix tonight. It has, like, G. Love & Special Sauce and then BBMak and Michael Jackson and Eminem and then Biggie…and then Talking Heads and Todd Rundgren and really, it’s just so totally random. I was typing out the playlist but I realized how utterly lame it makes me look so I decided not to share it after all.

Hey, that makes me remember Dillo Day when I saw G. Love at this outdoor concert festival thing and was about 4 feet from the speakers. Kick-ass show, but I left with a really weird contact high and…oops…a busted eardrum.

It was worth it, though.

Tomorrow I’m back to my late schedule – 1:00 p.m. to 9:30. Bleh.

Leave a Comment March 10, 2003


I am such a ho. Seriously.

Okay, last night I met S and H, two of my best friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years and we went to have a girls’ night out.

We started at Outback (where both our male and female servers flirted with me!) and progressed to Corned Beef where it was like a bizarro world high school reunion. I saw like 8 people from my h.s. class, including one, G, whom we’d JUST been discussing at Outback, wondering if the rumors that she was a stripper were true. They aren’t, by the way.

But anyway, here’s the part where I’m a ho:

If you happened to have been at Corned Beef on Friday night and saw an extremely drunk young woman making out with a random guy in one of the phone booths, well, um…that would be me.

So I’m telling my friend A about making out with J in the phone booth today and she was like “what the fuck were you doing in a phone booth? Was he Superman?”

I was too drunk to walk so my friends told me to sit in the phone booth and they continued with their partying. And I was sitting in the phone booth trying to drunk-dial F with an expired calling card on a broken pay phone when this guy randomly appeared and started talking to me.

I didn’t go home with him. And it’s a good thing, because apparently he was MARRIED.

My apologies go out to Mrs. Phone Booth Guy. Your husband is certainly a good kisser, by the way.

Phone Booth Guy’s friend came up at one point and started grabbing my ass, and despite my 352,503,985 Coronas and shots of tequila, I was self-aware enough to grab him by the throat and tell him that if he touched my ass again I’d rip his dick off and shove it down his throat.

That’s right, I’m an assertive drunken tramp with plenty of self-respect. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

Um, anyway…casualties:

-the right heel on my brown leather boots

-unexplained bruises on my knee and my right index finger

Not too shabby, all things considered.

Leave a Comment March 8, 2003

Families Say the Weirdest Things

And now, I offer for your reading pleasure – an abridged lexicon of words and phrases unique to my weird family. Much of these, like in many families, are things that I or my sisters could not pronounce as babies, and they’ve made it into our everyday usage. Others are slang that #2 and I brought back from college, or something we saw on TV. The list is truly endless, but here are a few.

Here goes!

peenjelly: a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. I believe this is a tallgirlsam original.

hangaber: hamburger

hot hog: hot dog

kwarn: corn

eat on, re-eat on: to eat something, or to go back and eat more of it later. I think Battery picked this one up from the old country dudes at the hospital.

you fold like x: basically, you suck. Common usage includes you fold like origami and you fold like a card table. A #2 phrase, I think.

I wasn’t listening, so you must not be talking to me: one of the funniest Battery moments ever. She said it when we caught her not paying attention, intending to say that she didn’t think we were talking to her so she didn’t listen, but it came out the other way and there it stuck.

And where is [insert dead person here] now? “DAY-ud!”: This one came from me via enfranklopedia. I think it’s from a movie but neither he nor I can remember which one, if it is. If anyone knows, tell me! But anyway, you can obviously fill in any dead person. You say the first part and everyone in the family will say the second.

You’re handicapped? That’s GREAT!: When we moved #2 up to school, we tried to park in a parking lot reserved for disabled people (as Stinky is disabled). The attendant, a young student, came running up and tried to stop us, and when Stinky pointed out the wheelchair on our license plate, she said, “Oh, you’re handicapped? That’s GREAT!” We were laughing way too hard to be offended, not that my family gets offended easily anyway.

Woof and Wilma!: two words that we like to say at the end of songs. The first is from All Dogs Go To Heaven and the second is from that SNL Christmas with Gumby skit.

Those are but a few. After checking in with the Younger 3 on this topic I may come up with enough to add a second part in the future.

Bring back the Jello Pudding Pop!

Leave a Comment March 7, 2003

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