My sisters like to make fun of me pretty much all the time because I am way more awesome than they are, particularly in the following totally important and life-shaping areas:
- High school class ranking;
- Competitiveness, cost, and national ranking of chosen college;
- Yearly salary (evidently failing to consider that they are all still in high school & college);
- Spelling ability;
- Singing ability;
- General all-around kickassitude;
- Breast size.
However, Sammi pointed out recently that there are three areas where I am totally the family loser:
- Gaydar. Mine’s really faulty. It’s faulty to the point that when Michael Stipe announced he was gay, I was the only person in the entire universe who was like, “OMG! Michael Stipe is gay?!”
- Fluid retention. On road trips, we have to build in extra traveling time so that I can stop several times to pee.
- Geographical aptitude, or directional sense, or whatever.
My tendency to get lost has been well-documented here, but last week we discovered another facet of the problem. See, I’m almost always right. And I’m used to being almost always right. And I’m a bossy-assed know-it-all and the oldest and all that, so what happens is that I read a map, and I’m sure I know where we’re going. And if you don’t know me well and you aren’t careful, I will almost certainly convince you that I know where we’re going. The problem is that I will be dead wrong 99% of the time. So it’s good that I have sisters who are aware of this fact and will let me pretend to know where we’re going before gently steering us in the right direction, which is generally the opposite direction from the one I’d have chosen.
The good news is that I’m pretty good at admitting when I’m wrong, so I don’t get mad when this happens.
At least I’ll probably always have a bigger rack than they will.