Last weekend, I went and handed in my deposit for my pool key. I didn’t go to the pool last weekend, though, because the weather was kind of sucky. I thought I might go this weekend. I got off work early today and went to Target to pick up a few things, and while I was there, I tried on swimsuits. I did this for three reasons:
- I have two swimsuits. One is in Australia with Sammi (I think). So I only have one swimsuit here in the United States, and I’d like to have another so I can alternate them.
- I bought the first swimsuit in 1996, and the second in 1997. As you may know, it is now 2006.
- I am a glutton for punishment.
So I tried on suits at Target. They all sucked. Nothing makes you feel fat and pasty and gross like trying on swimsuits. This is one of the areas where being busty hurts me the most – it is insanely difficult to find a good swimsuit that holds the boobs just right. I didn’t like anything there, and I don’t have enough extra money right now to do any serious swimsuit shopping, so I decided I could live with the 1997 swimsuit until the end of the month when I get paid. I’ll probably only go to the pool three or four times between now and then anyway.
I came home and put my other Target stuff away and promptly had second thoughts about going to the pool this afternoon. I felt weird going by myself. Trying on suits had left me feeling fat and gross and sweaty. I worried that I’d get there and there wouldn’t be anywhere for me to sit. I worried about lots of really dumb things.
Then I figured I was being kind of silly. The reason I’ve had the 1997 suit since 1997 is because it’s a classic style and pattern, and still fits well, and still flatters. I hardly know anyone in my complex anyway, so who cares what they think? And if I don’t suck it up and go to the pool by myself, then I’ll waste the whole summer with a pool key I never use.
So I put on the 1997 swimsuit. It is blue and it fastens behind my neck. I put on SPF 30 sunblock so I could at least minimize my inevitable sunburn. By the way, I discovered Coppertone’s continuous spray sunscreens last summer and they kick ass. Just saying. I put on shorts and a tee over the swimsuit. I put on my flip-flops. I packed my little beach bag with a towel and the sunblock and my keys and my sunglasses and a book and my iPod. And then I thought that it would be a good idea to take a bottle of water. But I’m out of bottled water and I burned off the top of my Nalgene bottle in the dishwasher a few weeks ago, so I didn’t even have a proper container to put tap water in. I decided to walk over to CVS to get a couple of bottles of water to take to the pool with me.
At CVS, I opened up the cooler and bent down to grab a bottle of water. And the fastener on the 1997 swimsuit snapped in half.
At first, I just thought it had come unhooked. But when I reached back to try to grab the two pieces and rehook them, the broken piece of fastener fell off into my hand. Paying for the water was tricky, because the straps were only just barely staying in the vicinity of my shoulders, and I feared that my massive boobs would bust free and wreak havoc at any moment. I was all distracted trying to keep my elbows in and my arms still while I paid. I’m sure the cashier thought I was nuts. And then I rushed home, but smoothly, so my boobs wouldn’t fall out until I got in the house.
They fell out pretty much the instant I entered my patio.
So now I’m sitting at home with sunblocked arms and legs, a pool key, a packed beach bag, two bottles of water, and a broken 1997 swimsuit crumpled up and thrown in the corner. That sucks.