Bitchy
I said something really annoying today, kind of by mistake. Actually, I’m sure I say really annoying things every single day of the week, but this is one of those annoying things that would cause me to think less of someone else if I heard her say it. And I use “her” on purpose because I have never in my entire life heard a boy or a man say this phrase. It is annoying, and it is almost exclusively a female thing to say.
I was annoyed about something. Specifically, I was feeling grouchy and envious because two people I know had been recommended for something that I felt should have been offered to me.
Here’s what I said: “I don’t want to sound bitchy, but…” and then I proceeded to say something that was indeed pretty bitchy.
And immediately after it was out of my mouth, I wanted to grab it and put it back. Because it’s a stupid thing to say, and it makes me sound stupid and look stupid and small and mean when I say it. But it’s one of those things that other women say a lot, and in fact, I might say it quite a lot too and never even realize it.
For one thing, I should have the confidence and the courage to say, “I think it really sucks that I wasn’t recommended for this,” especially when I’m speaking to a friend and not to the person who made the decision, because what do I have to lose? I just want the friend to know how I feel, and it should be okay to be disappointed about something like that. And yes, maybe it would be nicer just to be happy for the people who were recommended and honestly, I am. And maybe it would be better and nicer for me to keep my damn mouth shut and not complain about it, because I have had some really good things come my way lately because of my hard work and my reputation and my connections, and I was going to say I’m very lucky about that. And maybe I am.
But maybe it’s not luck – maybe it’s just the natural result of hard work. That’s something else that bugs me sometimes, that we say “oh, I’m just lucky” because that sounds more modest, that we think it would be bitchy to acknowledge aloud that something good came our way because we worked our asses off to earn it.
In any case, if I want to complain about something, I think it’s cowardly and almost bitchier of me to wrap it in the loathsome “I don’t want to be a bitch” blanket. I should just say it. And I should try to say it in a way that doesn’t feel like it needs a qualifier. Or maybe, if it’s really bitchy, I just shouldn’t say it at all.
Sounds like you’ve got all bases on the subject covered.
My youngest brother Bryan once told me something that was so simple and made such perfect sense, that I wondered (and still wonder to this day) why it had never occured to me before:
“Anything you say before ‘but’ means nothing more than what you say after it.”
I *KNOW* I’m guilty of making such “hate to sound [blah blah], but…” statements. Ever since Bryan’s comment though, I have to admit that I am more aware of it, in my own actions. Most of the time. It’s all a learning process, I guess. :)
Have you approached your friend and apologized?
btw, I admire you for your ability to honestly and objectively examine the things you do and say; I was a bit older than 26 when I finally began to do that. And yes, hard work builds its own bridges, luck is overrated.