What I Did During My Three Sick Days This Week

  1. Slept.
  2. Played Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life until I got so bored with it that I left all my chickens out in the rain and stopped feeding the cows to see if they’d all die.
  3. Slept again, some more.
  4. Coughed, croaked, blew nose, et cetera.
  5. Took my temperature a lot.
  6. Looked at my throat in the mirror with a flashlight.
  7. Changed Abby’s name to Dammitabby after she broke half the slats in my miniblinds.**
  8. Got my TiVo, took a picture of it, set it up, enabled the thirty second skip, and set up all my Season Passes.***
  9. Watched The People’s Court.
  10. Forgot I now have TiVo and continued to watch stupid commercials about class action lawsuits and cash advance businesses.
  11. Successfully set up the connections between the TiVo, the cable box, the VCR/DVD player, and the TV. This was slightly more complicated than I expected.
  12. Laughed my ass off at the cats running around with Styrofoam packing peanuts stuck all over them and took pictures, which I will post soon.
  13. Saw Dammitabby lying in her bed with her tongue hanging out (uncharacteristic!) and became convinced she had eaten a Styrofoam peanut and was choking to death. Ran over to her and grabbed her tongue, at which point she very lazily opened her eyes, gave me a look that clearly said, “Bitch,” and put her tongue back in her mouth.
  14. Called various people in my life and begged them to go buy me some rainbow sherbet, which I kept calling “sherbert” because evidently I am four. By the way, no one did.
  15. Read trashy romance novels.
  16. Washed the same load of laundry three times by mistake.

I’m sure there were other things, mostly involving napping and checking my work email too often, but I cannot remember them now.

**My dad’s younger sister is named Jan, and family lore is that at some point in her life she actually became convinced that her name was Dammitjan because that’s what she was called all the time.

***I ordered the TiVo a couple of weeks ago, and I have been unreasonably excited about its addition to my household. So excited, in fact, that I actually made a list of all the shows I would set up for Season Passes once the TiVo arrived.****

****Okay, fine. I made that list on the toilet one day.*****

*****I’m only telling you that because if I don’t, my sisters will point it out in the comments, because they think it’s hilarious.

Bu-doop!

Comments 7

  • i know exactly one person who doesnt pronounce it “sherbert.”

  • It’s not sherbet?!!! My life is a lie!

  • sherbert… not sherbert

  • *****************Have a good weekend*****************

  • Next time we buy a piece of electronic equipment for the Schwyzer household, we’re calling Lorie.

  • Oh my God… Sherbert/sherbet. My sister (along with almost everyone else I know) has always called it “sherbert,” which I also did when I was little. Finally, when I was about twenty, I bit the bullet and made the switch to “sherbet.” It drives my sister out of her mind so much that when I say it correctly, she tells me, “Don’t say it like that! It hurts my feelings!” My sister is 34.

  • i had a hell of a time this weekend because i was hanging with people who don’t say “expresso.”

    i think when i open my coffeeshop, it will feature “expresso” as part of the name.

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