I have been on the South Beach Diet for 36 hours and right now I’m pretty sure that someone will be dead by the end of the week as a result. Maybe me. Maybe you.
This was going to be a secret, that I’m doing this, but then I went and got mouth diarrhea and blurted it out to half the people in the department so the cat’s out of the bag there, and besides, I pay actual cash money every month to write about things here and the last thing I wrote about was my horrible skin so it seems like a good time to change it up a bit.
I’ll go ahead and tell you right now that I have no intention whatsoever of carrying the damn stupid South Beach Diet book around with me for the rest of my life. I was mainly interested in giving Phase 1 a shot because I’m using it to do a sort of detox. I’ve gotten into some bad eating habits, my skin all of a sudden sucks, and I haven’t been feeling very healthy lately. There are the three reasons I’m on Phase 1. When the two weeks are up, I intend to evaluate things and see what I feel like doing.
I’ve never been good at diets of any kind. Usually, when I need to feel healthier, I start working out (or working out more). My body’s built in such a way that if I work out a lot, I can eat whatever I want to and I’ll be just fine. This tends to be a better life plan for me than one in which I’m measuring out my food or double-checking lists of what I can and cannot eat.
But that’s what I’m doing now. And, quite honestly, I’m pretty fucking miserable. I’m hungry. I’m grouchy. I’m tired. I have a headache. I want a cupcake. I’ve been thinking about food constantly. I’m trying to follow the meal plans to the letter but all the preparation required is a pain in my ass, not to mention the fact that buying the food for five days of the plan set me back over $100 at the grocery store.
I don’t really want to hear about how I feel shitty because my body is craving those horrible processed carbs and how I’m addicted to carbs and I just don’t know it and how much better I’m going to feel once they’re out of my life because, seriously, I read all the literature and intellectually I know all of this, but it doesn’t make me feel any better right now. I feel like I just broke up with a boyfriend for all the wrong reasons. Or all the right reasons. I don’t know. I feel like I just decided to become a Republican. This is why I wasn’t going to write this entry in the first place.
I’m trying really hard to take it a day at a time but it’s really hard and goddammit, I want a fucking cupcake. And that’s now the fourteenth or fifteenth time I’ve said that exact thing in the last two days.