I was raised in a very meat-and-potatoes kind of family, with emphasis on the meat. Seriously, I’ve written about this before, but my mom in particular is a hard-core carnivore. My mom could eat red meat for every meal, every day, and be totally and completely fine with it.
Since I moved out, I’ve kind of been on what I like to call the Whatever Diet. Other people often think of it as the Single Woman Living Alone With Cats Diet, but Whatever Diet works better for me. The Whatever Diet relies heavily on the following staples:
- noodles or rice or rice noodles
- Diet Coke
- whatever else happens to catch my attention at the grocery store.
So I was eating Kettle Corn a lot for a while, because it seemed like a good idea. This one time I made chicken adobo like three times in the same week because that seemed like a good idea. The other night I had Cabot Extra-Sharp Cheddar Cheese and Club crackers for dinner. Sometimes I have Spaghettios. Sometimes I have raisin bran. Sometimes I have a can of mandarin oranges. On Saturday when my power was out for five hours I had two Little Debbie gingerbread men and a Black Cherry Fresca for lunch.
I’m terrible at making useful grocery lists. I’m equally terrible at using up fresh produce before it goes bad, so I don’t buy it nearly as often as I should. I’m famous for buying something random at the grocery store and then deciding I don’t want it and forgetting about it until it goes bad (recent case in point: feta-stuffed calamata olives).
One thing I almost never eat since I moved away from Family Headquarters is red meat. I just don’t want it, usually. I almost never want ground beef – the mere thought sometimes makes me gag – but every once in a while I’ll feel like a little steak or something, although I usually don’t follow through.
But on Sunday when I was at the grocery store I saw one of those Old El Paso Gordita kit thingies and it seemed like an awesome idea, so I got one. I could have gotten chicken to go in it, but I didn’t feel like it. I could have gotten ground turkey, but it was like $5.99 a pound or something equally insane. So I got a grody little tube of ground beef.
Fun fact about red meat: if you have gotten out of the habit of eating red meat and then all of a sudden you have some, your stomach gets PISSED OFF. This is true for my own body, and I have anecdotal evidence that this happens to other people too. I guess that ought to tell us that there’s something in red meat that we probably shouldn’t be eating.
So the experience of cooking the yucky ground beef was unpleasant at best, and then the stupid gordita didn’t even taste very good, and now I have a red meat hangover.
And to the person reading this who was on the phone with me last night while I was cooking: no, it’s not the sour cream. I chickened out on the sour cream and threw it away.
To the rest of you: Let’s suppose, hypothetically, that you find an 8 ounce container of sour cream in the back of your fridge, and when you get it out you discover that it has an expiration date of October 26th, 2005, but it’s still sealed and has never been opened. Let’s say you open it up and sniff it and look at it and it looks and smells just fine. Is it okay to eat?