Open Letter

September 27, 2005

Dear Jake Plummer,

We’re making progress. I’ve complained and complained to you about the whole mountain man look, and I’m happy to see that you’ve been paying at least a little bit of attention. But seriously, for the love of all that is good in this world, LOSE THAT STUPID MUSTACHE. It makes you look creepy, and I hope I speak for most people when I tell you that White Trash Chic is not an acceptable replacement for Mountain Man Chic. You used to be so pretty, Jake. C’mon. Shave it.

xoxo,
Lorie

PS – Great game!

Filed under: everyday stories,open letters

14 Comments Leave a Comment

  • 1. mike  |  September 27, 2005 at 10:59 am

    Speaking of football, what happened to Terrell Sutton this weekend?

  • 2. lorie  |  September 27, 2005 at 11:38 am

    He (Tyrell) did okay against a pretty good defense – 112 yards and two touchdowns. I’m pretending that game never happened, though.

  • 3. Sammi  |  September 27, 2005 at 12:20 pm

    AMEN!!!!! shave jake, it’ll be ok

  • 4. jim  |  September 27, 2005 at 12:49 pm

    are you a denver fan?

    (inside my head: please god no)

  • 5. lorie  |  September 27, 2005 at 2:11 pm

    yes, I’m a Denver fan. Living in Colorado for ten years does that.

    Also, I know you and I have been over this point before.

  • 6. falsefridays  |  September 27, 2005 at 4:05 pm

    ha! probably! i have no memory.

    also, nothing against denver. living for two years with a fucking broncos flag on the wall makes you cringe a bit.

  • 7. Ginny  |  September 28, 2005 at 9:16 am

    Maybe he thinks the facial hair is working for him… as a luck thing.. would you rather him look pretty and lose, or look scruffy and win… it’s a toss-up…

  • 8. lorie  |  September 28, 2005 at 9:23 am

    He lost a lot more with the Mountain Man look than he did with the Pretty Boy look. Don’t you remember my theory last season that the facial hair was slowing down his passing?

  • 9. Sammi  |  September 28, 2005 at 9:35 am

    the facial hair doesn’t work. when he first came to denver from the suck-ass pee wee team that is Arizona, he was clean shaven, pretty boy Jake Plummer and we WON GAMES, shocker.

    note that he had mountain-man facial hair when we LOST to miami two weeks ago.

    and with a name like Jake, he should try to make himself seem a little less trailer-park-ish

  • 10. ~A  |  September 28, 2005 at 11:17 am

    Dear Joe Electrician,

    You’re sporting the Permanent 5 ‘oclock Shadow look again. I really like it. Thank you.

  • 11. ~A  |  September 28, 2005 at 11:18 am

    o’clock.

    shut up

  • 12. kristen  |  September 28, 2005 at 12:11 pm

    Is it bad that I had to google that name?

  • 13. ~A  |  September 28, 2005 at 1:05 pm

    Joe Electrician doesn’t really exist.

    (jk)

  • 14. jim  |  September 28, 2005 at 2:41 pm

    remember when plummer made the cardinals respectable for a year? that was fun.

    also, i stil contend that the bears threw darts at the weall and thats why they decided to experiment with kordell instead of signing jake the snake.

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