Strike All the Big Red Words from My Little Black Book

November 23, 2004

Last night, Mom and Sammi and I decided to kill some time by going through Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs list. When they got home, Ginny and Dad joined us. Hilarity ensued.

I should add that “going through the list,” for us, meant that I’d say the song and everyone who knew the song would immediately begin singing part of it, in most cases very badly. Here are a couple of results:

Me: “‘When Doves Cry?’ Man, what an awesome song. You know what? Prince is so weird, but kind of hot. In a weird way. Like, I’d do Prince even though I don’t think he’s attractive.”

Sam: “Seriously. He’s this tall (holding hand about four feet above the ground) -“

Me: “- and he weighs like 84 pounds -“

Sam: “And everyone wants to do him.”

Mom: “Ew! He’s sleazy! He looks like Rat Fink. If Rat Fink were a person, he’d be Prince.”

Me: “But you’d do him.”

Mom: “I WOULD NOT! I’d do anyone before I’d do Prince.”

Me: “What about George W. Bush?”

Mom: “Anyone.”

Sam & me: “YOU’D RATHER DO W THAN PRINCE? What is WRONG with you?”

Me: “I am SO writing an entry about this.”

And then, a little later:

Mom: “Who was that supposed to be?”

Me: “It’s Jefferson Airplane, hell-O.”

Mom: “You sounded like Katherine Hepburn!”


And also:

“You know, it doesn’t count if I say the title and then you sing the title back to me with a made-up tune. That doesn’t mean you know the song.”

“What’s next?”

“Stagger Lee.”

(singing)”Stagger Lee!
“Um. That’s all I know.”

Oh, and then this:

“Why isn’t there any Journey on this list?”

“Because Journey blows.”

And for most songs after “Stan,” which was ranked #290:

“How in the hell is (insert song title here) ranked lower than STAN?”

Seriously. We have fun with these lists, but I occasionally have to wonder what the panelists were thinking when they ranked “Stan” above songs like, for example, “Train in Vain,” “Sweet Jane,” “White Room,” “I Can’t Explain,” “Pride (In the Name of Love),” “Just My Imagination,” “Rhiannon,” and about 200 other songs on the list.

Today’s like a Friday, since I’ll be off from tomorrow until the following Wednesday. This means I’m getting very little done, much like everyone else around here. There are only like 3 people who didn’t take tomorrow off, so I guess they’ll sit around reading books or something while the rest of us are chilling at home.

In case I don’t write again before Thursday, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in your part of the world, have a wonderful Thursday instead.

Filed under: old diaryland entries


  • 1. Gumphood  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Thank you for this list. I will talk about it forever.

  • 2. Ginny  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Nice Trick..Liar. You totally left me out of the prince conversation. The W line was MINE! You suck. And you forgot to say that Dad would totally do W before prince too. Oh and Q99 is totally playing from the RS list today. I'm convinced.

  • 3. Ginny  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    I lied, it wasn't Q99 it's oldies 101.

  • 4. lorie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    this is why i need a tape recorder, so you can stop getting all put out when i misattribute a quote.

  • 5. jim  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    i like stan better than just my imagination.

    and more than the U2 song, too. i'm spotty on them.

  • 6. Sandy  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Um, Stan? Really? Train in Vain and Sweet Jane are classics.

  • 7. Sammi  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    holy fucking shit, how can you be spotty on u2? that doesn't make sense to me

  • 8. jim  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    because u2 is quite spotty. for every “one” there are three songs that are complete shite.

    i have no tolerance for wankery. it's the punk rock kid of my yout'.

  • 9. John  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    I didn't see the list, but usually those lists have a lot of crap on them. And I hope Jim is British or something like it, because it's lame when Americans say words like shite and arse and wankery. And U2 has been awesome for like 20 years now.

  • 10. Beth  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Hey, I say “wankery” all the time, and I am the least British person I've ever seen. It's a good word. I love it when you post these conversations. I thought my family was the only one that said things like this!

  • 11. ~A  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    1. Your mom knows “Ratfink” – rock.
    2. You all argued the merits of “doing” the President. …I bet Kerry's better in bed – not that you'd want to look at him during
    3.I don't know what “Stan” is.
    4.U2, for all their weak songs and experiments still add up to one of the most impressive bands of my generation. Most bands, even with better-selling records, can't hold up to their catalog of stand-out songs. (And I was punk too- U2 was never punk)
    6.I saw the list – it's inherently flawed in trying to get too many genres and styles together; there's no way to put that together and do a good job – it will sell more magazines though.
    7. Journey rocks.
    8.Happy Thanksgiving, Lorie and family.

  • 12. jim  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    while i would agree that you would be allowed to poke me in the ear with a pencil for saying “Arse,” i use the term “wankery” to denote any sort of music that has overblown tendencies. usually as part of the phrase “guitar wankery,” but in the case of U2, I feel that they are often masturbating with their respective musical roles, so there you go.

    who implied U2 was punk? not me. I'm just saying that the short songs and such that i've grown to love tdo not work for me.

    even though i really like that 10 minute wilco song.

  • 13. jim  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    that m ade no sense, i just woke up.i meant, i am used to loving short songs so U2 often doesn't work for me.But like I said, i like a lot of their songs, they just make me ill for albums at a time. and “uno dos tres catorce” is just ricockulous.

  • 14. ~A  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    -but you'd do him.

  • 15. Mr. Rotten  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Lorie can't come to take your call right now. Leave a message and she'll post you back.

  • 16. Hugo  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Oh, “Sweet Jane.” Oh, the Cowboy Junkies. LOVE IT.

  • 17. Rotten 2  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm




  • 18. jen  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Lorie, where are you?

  • 19. ~A  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Yeah Miss, it's not funny any more.

  • 20. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    I miss your boobs.

  • 21. Ginny  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Yea for Penguins and christmas. Boo for no updates.

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