Jesus on the Radio

On Saturday, I went with the band I’m teaching to a competition – the first I’ve attended with them since I took that job. If I had known about the hospitality tent, I’d have gone to every competition this season.

See, judges and band staff have access to the hospitality tent which, in this case, included a buffet line full of food and snacks – soups, sandwiches, vegetable trays, baked goods, sodas, coffee, and hot chocolate – and all completely free.

That, my friends, is awesome.

You can tell I’m not quite grown up, because the prospect of free food practically sends me into fits of enthusiasm. I’m also big on official-looking things like name tags and field passes. I had a STAFF name tag on Saturday and I could do whatever I wanted to and no one said anything to me. Actually, one time on my way into the stadium someone stopped me and asked to see my hand stamp, and then was like “Oh, you’re STAFF – sorry!” and I was like, “This is awesome.”

It’s like being a celebrity except totally not at all.

This weekend will be even cooler because I am judging a competition, so not only do I get access to the hospitality tent, but I’ll also get a JUDGE name tag and I can go into the press box. WOO, press box! Oh, and I get to make tapes for everyone, being all like “Good afternoon, Rydell High School, and welcome to the Blah Blah Invitational. I’m Lorie LastName and I’ll be judging auxiliary units today. Blah.” Et cetera. Oh yeah, and I get paid. Score.

Okay, so back to Saturday. So I was STAFF then, and at the end of the competition, all the field captains and STAFF people go down to the field for the awards ceremony. The field captains stand on the sideline looking all official and solemn, and the STAFF people stand behind them and make fun of stuff. Being STAFF is definitely an ace job.

As the PA person began to announce the awards, we kept hearing this noise that sounded like someone had a radio on somewhere near the microphone. It happened a few times, and we all kind of looked around, and no one really said anything.

Then one time, right after the announcer spoke, we heard this very loud and clear:

This is the time when you need to get right with God.

The announcer explained that they were picking up feedback from somewhere, and apologized. But it kept happening. It was some sort of sermon on what I assume is a Christian radio station, and we were endlessly entertained by break-ins about “the Truth, the Way, and the Light” and “moral fiber” and other such awesome quotes, often coming at completely coincidental and eerily appropriate places in the awards ceremony. The field captains struggled to stay at attention. The STAFF people openly cried with laughter, and made lots of inappropriate jokes like “This awards ceremony has been brought to you by our Lord and Savior. Do not argue with the results or He will SMITE YOU.”

It was quite a day.

Comments 4

  • I was just sitting having a Coke, and thinking about God's love, when boom, he smit me. I like the idea of divine smitings. When is that last time someone was smitten BTW? How log has it been?

  • sometimes i wish i could smite people.

  • jesus on the teevee on the radio.
    I'd like to hear more about the dude that was preaching God smiting people – that's So old testament.

  • Dude, you never update anymore. You're turning into me.

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