It’s been a really long time since I’ve gone out – like, out. It was February. Maybe sometime after my birthday. A glance through my checkbook register shows a bar tab of $11.45 on February 21st. So that’s when it was. But I don’t really know that I want to go out, to drink. Unless it’s margaritas on the patio on a warm night. That I could do. But I don’t feel like bars anymore.
I don’t mind going to movies by myself at all, but I want to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again, and this time I want someone to go along so I can see if someone else feels what I felt upon leaving it. But a casual check around reveals that no one is free. But I didn’t check with that many people.
Ginny is bored out of her skull and spends a lot of time lately on her side, staring. She’s sick of TV, doesn’t want to watch another movie, read another magazine, listen to music. She wants to walk. She wants to go outside and enjoy the weather. Her room is the stuffiest room in the house no matter what we try. She wants the things that can’t happen for her right now and I feel exponentially guiltier about my own stasis because of it. I’m able-bodied and I’m sick of everything around me and I want the things that can’t happen, or maybe won’t happen for me right now and I have no excuse for it. None.
I promised I’d write about her because yesterday we made the mistake of leaving the laptop computer and her check card both within reach at the same time, and she immediately took it on an online shopping spree. She spent like a gazillion dollars (in four easy payments!) ordering the Time-Life Romance Music Series or whatever it’s called – ten CDs of sappy old love songs. She ordered tees from Homestar Runner and books from Amazon and maybe some other stuff – I can’t remember. We teased her that she’s going to start ordering shit from infomercials and the Home Shopping Network in the middle of the night and we would have to have an intervention and take her credit card and the computer away. Jamie says, “I didn’t know! She asked me for her credit card and I didn’t know what she was going to do with it!”
In the car taking the girls to school this morning I saw this big billowing trash bag on the side of the road, and I asked, “When you guys see trash bags and stuff on the side of the road, do you ever wonder if maybe there’s a dead body in them?” and Sam and Jay were both like “Er, no, that’s totally weird,” so then I was like “Yeah, I don’t ever think that either.” Ha. The girls made the excellent point that the side of a busy road is a bad place to dump a body, and I thought maybe if someone was in a hurry they might just sling it out of the car, and my sisters countered that with all the woods around here, why risk getting caught? It was all bizarre, and funny, this philosophical and completely hypothetical (I swear!) discussion about body-dumping.
Nothing worked last week. Our phone line was broken all week until Verizon came to fix it on Saturday – luckily, we could forward our number to the computer line, but that meant no call waiting, no caller ID, and no internet. And it’s crazy how attached you get to that stuff. Also on Thursday our washer flooded like two or three times, so that was fun. And then the work stuff. And my work computer has a bad hard drive and is in the computer hospital so I have my own laptop with me today but the internet connection is not very fast and I hate the webmail we have and I’m hoping my desktop PC gets fixed and brought back very soon.
My muscles are sore as hell today. It feels like I spent the weekend moving couches and losing fistfights. But really I just cleaned my room and went to Target and read and slept.
I just started typing and this is what came out.