I am definitely a product whore, as has been mentioned in this very space on countless occasions. But although I’m prone to buying every freakin’ hair/makeup/personal grooming product in sight, I actually use very few products on my head/face when getting ready for work in the morning.
But I found out two days ago that I need to have a head shot done today for press releases and it will be posted in perpetuity on the college web site. So I freaked out, called Closeted Jonathan, begged him to fit me in this morning, and began stressing about what I should wear.
I finally decided on a suit and went with the quirky beaded jewelry over the 40-something-esque neck scarf. Then this morning I scraped my nasty, funky, dirty, growing-out hair into a freakish little ponytail and went about the makeup. I spent seriously freakin’ forever on the makeup, people.
Most days I slap on some powder stuff for skin tone, the everpresent Sonia Kashuk smudge stick in “blackest,” a little bit of eyeshadow, mascara, and lip balm and tear out the door.
Today I did the whole regimen suggested to me by the kind people at Lancome. That cream/powder foundation-y stuff that you put on with a sponge. Eyeshadow base. Two eyeshadows – highlight and crease. The smudge stick. Two coats of mascara. The blush I paid like $30 for. Lip liner. Lip gloss. Blot. Toss hair. Run out the door.
And you know what? I look exactly the same as I always do. EXACTLY THE SAME.
Then I went to see Jonathan and told him I needed to be photo-ready. He trimmed me up and told me he was going to use the MEGAHOLD hair spray on me today so his style would last till my photo shoot.
Now I have some seriously non-moving corporate hair. It will look very cool when it’s styled in a way that actually moves when I turn my head, and it’ll be good for the photo. The MEGAHOLD hair spray is seriously weirding me out, though. I move my head and my entire hair style moves as a unit with it. The wind blows, lifting a large chunk of my hair off my head and slamming it back down with a resounding “clunk.”
Overall, it looks cool, though, and hair spray washes out. Oh, and if we need further evidence that Closeted Jonathan is, in fact, closeted – as I left he told me I looked fabulous and to “be sure to wear lipstick for the picture.” Duly noted, CJ.
But then I came back into the office and my assistant said I looked “exactly the same, but fluffy.”
Dude. I turned my normal 30-minute routine into a 30 minutes for professionally-styled hair, 30 minutes for heavily applied makeup so that I would look really good for my picture, and I look EXACTLY THE SAME as I do on days when I throw on wrinkled pants, run a brush through my hair, slap on a tiny amount of makeup and head for the door?
That sucks a little bit.
I need to go put on lipstick now so that I can look exactly the same for my photo this afternoon.