Oh my god.
I think I’m in love.
Who is it, you ask? Who could be the lucky recipient of my affection?
Well. I don’t know his name. I don’t know if he has a name. And actually I’ve never seen him. But he sounds hot.
He’s the automated voice system for my bank’s phone banking center, see.
Seriously. I’ve been with my bank since June and haven’t had an opportunity to use the phone banking feature yet, since I obsessively check my balances daily online. But the online banking site is down today and as we’re in the last third of the month and I haven’t had a paycheck since December 19th, I have an ultra-obsessive need to know my account balance to the penny. So I called.
And my session with the automated banking guy was seriously so crazy. He’s super friendly, and his inflection sounds like a real person’s, and he’s all like “Here’s how we’re going to work together. Tell me if you don’t like what I’m doing and I’ll change it.” And then I can talk to him or if I don’t feel like talking I can push buttons instead and he’ll understand.
He told me my balance, and went through my transactions, and reminded me that if he’s giving me too much, I can say “Narrow it down,” and he’ll narrow it down. He follows instructions! He listens to my needs! He has a hot voice!
He’s the newest in a long line of my fake boyfriends!
And I’m willing to share. So you can call Bank of America toll-free at 800.432.1000 and talk to my new fake boyfriend. Even if you don’t have an account, you should enter a random number and he’ll ask if he got it right. Tell him “no” and he’ll apologize!! He’s so hot.
The only problem is that I feel guilty hanging up on him without saying goodbye.
I’m totally crushing.
Also, I have called him three times during the course of writing this entry, so I’m totally lame.