Um, The One In The Middle

October 10, 2003


First of all, I have been complimented on my hair by every single person I have seen so far today. Apparently I have a lot of volume and flip today or something.

And second of all – I have to work for about a million hours today, but it’s another one of those days where my work includes a luncheon and an evening reception (with wine!), so rock on. And I did NOT have to wear a twinset and pantyhose today. I am, however, wearing this cool new sweater. Witness (it’s the brown one):

Life is good.

And finally – this morning I stopped at Barnes & Noble to pick up a book, and thought I’d get a drink as well. Chai tea latte, to be exact. And so I go up to the counter and I say “I’d like a chai tea latte, please,” and the girl just stands there, and I realize I haven’t told her the size and I completely blank out in the middle of a sentence and stand there slack-jawed for a moment and then I went “oh. I’m completely lost on your sizes.” Which is not to say that I don’t understand them, but just that I haven’t committed Starbucks-ese to memory. So finally I look and I decide, “Okay. The medium one. Grande.”

And I didn’t know if I could pay for my book at the coffee bar register, and I didn’t know if I could use a check card, and in general I was just being a gigantic moron. So the girl who is making my drink says after a moment, “Where do you usually go?”

“Um, what?”

“Where do you usually get your coffee?”

And I explained that I don’t work on this side of town, I work at the college and I was just over here on an errand, et cetera and ended up apologizing for being slow and confusing this morning, at which point they were all “oh, it’s okay, (MORON).”

But here’s the thing – it’s not like I live in a town populated by Starbucks. (Starbuckses?) In fact, the one in Barnes & Noble is the ONLY one in the entire town. I could see them being all confused that I wasn’t down with the Starbucks lingo if we had a Starbucks on every corner and it was a part of the culture of this town, but it totally isn’t. So the whole line of questioning was just odd, unless they mistook me for a Liberty student, which may have been the case.

But then I’d get all annoyed that anyone could possibly mistake me for one of them.

Because they are evil. And I am rambling.

Woo, I have to work ALL weekend. Joy.

Filed under: old diaryland entries


  • 1. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    i actually had an argument with a starbucks employee once. i explained to her that carmel is a city in california and caramel is a confection. she was all “No, carmel is soft and caramel is hard.” i could not believe mine ears. she must have been a liberty student.

  • 2. !a  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    I would have loved to witness the Starbucks debacle.
    I don't buy coffee all that much but I like to go in and say medium or “the small one” … I haven't occassion to say “super-size it!” mainly because I like my head square on my shoulders (and not rocketing skyward) but I think I'd like to get that one in. fK the brand-specific terminology! They aren't a fN Republic or nation with its own culture of language.
    …and it doesn't even make sense! -“Venti”, is “20” like, 20 oz. – and that's the smallest size… The Grande, is larger than the Venti but is not the biggest. In a group of three people, 5ft, 6ft and 7ft – you don't refer to the 6' person as, “the tall one” to sufficiently distinguish him from the rest. I don't remember what the “large” is but I'm sure it's something like, “demur” or “chico” or “cotton”…

  • 3. Jon  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Just be glad we only have one starbucks. I like my mill mountain. Although this morning, I had an experience when i asked for iced latte, and she asked me how to make it? I was like, “If i could make it myself, why would i pay you $3.50? And give me that rice krispie treat, bitch.” She may have been a liberty student :) But she didn't look pregnant with Falwell's child.

  • 4. Lorie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    How to make an iced latte? Holy crap.1) Put ice in a cup.2)Make a latte and put it in the same cup. Ka-pow. Even I could do that, and I'm an idiot.

  • 5. ~A  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    By the way – happy reading.

  • 6. annika  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    i'm pretty sure “tall” is small, “grande” is medium and “venti” is large. i know people who refuse to use those labels on principle. How about those fast food places who label their large soda sizes as regular, trying to trick us?

    Lorie, you work way to much! Cool sweater btw.

  • 7. ~A  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    oh – well, I guess that's right and that makes a bit more sense – still, tall vs. grande – that's still silly, and I won't use the labels on Victoria Principle. (re: annika's clarifying my earlier comment)

  • 8. Jon  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Well yes, i know how to make it, but don't confuse my argument with facts. :) She didn't know, and that was what bothered me.

  • 9. M.  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Barnes and Noble is a total different cup of frappucinno from Starbucks. This was brought to my attention from a very very snobbish Barnes and Noble employee who was quick to inform me that I could not use my Starbucks gift card in there coffee shop-they simply use Starbucks coffee(and to which I thought-and drink names, and sizes,and decor, and the same baristas, etc). So that little lady that gave you, the Oh Right Moron undertone was rightly deserved her own Oh Right You Wanna Be's Undertone:)And cute sweater!!! You should definately go see hot waiter guy today with such a combo.

  • 10. Missie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Opps, i'm not just a M. ima Missie.

  • 11. ginger  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    I absolutely without fail refuse to speak Starbuckese. Every time I order a medium skim latte, the brainwashed cashier returns my words with a dazed look, followed by seconds of silence, then an “Oh, you mean GRANDE.”

    Unbelievable. It's to the point now where I actually take pleasure in the confusion that I create for their feeble minds.

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