Caffeine and the Curse Jar

October 1, 2003

Reader Will makes some good points in the comments from the last entry. And it occurs to me that I’m nursing a Diet Coke from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. I’m leaving half-empty bottles and cans of it in my wake. I’m making it through a bottle or two of water each day but that isn’t enough. I’m slamming back those BC headache powders almost every afternoon. I’m living on Diet Coke and Little Debbies, with dinnertime sometimes coming at 10:30 or 11 pm. Last night it was closer to 11, as I bolted back a turkey sandwich standing at the kitchen counter. Getting enough sleep is impossible when I get home from work at 10:30 pm and must leave the next day at 7:45 am. I find 8 hours a challenge on normal days but impossible lately, as I get home so late and absolutely must wind down before sleep will come. And it’s hard to wind down when I’m buzzing on caffeine and dinner-too-late. And I should drink milk but I haven’t been touching it, as my allergies are in such full force that milk is making me unbearably cloggy. I hate that.

And I’m starving now. And with all these missed meals I ought to be losing weight, at the very least, but it’s hanging on. And I have another meeting in fifteen minutes. And I’m working another 12.5 hour day. And I’m whining, and I’m sorry.

At least I am wearing new black pants, which make me happy. Woo.

Sammi has decided to institute the curse jar, where she has to pay herself each time she curses. She probably lost fifteen bucks just explaining it to me in the car today. Also, calling me a dickface isn’t going to get you out of debt any sooner, little sis. I bet she can’t keep it up. I said “fuck the curse jar” at least twice.

Goddamn is worth a dollar. The phrase “eat that shit, bitch” is only about 50 cents. Apparently dickface and twat bandit are only worth 10 cents each, because they can be used in everyday conversation. I challenged her to use “twat” convincingly in an everyday setting. Her answer?

“Dude, that cookie looks like a twat.”

Mark my words. The curse jar won’t last, but the phrase “dude, that cookie looks like a twat” will endure for all eternity.

Filed under: old diaryland entries

13 Comments Leave a Comment

  • 1. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    what am i in for if i call my boss a cunt-faced fuckhead?

  • 2. Kruxy  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Unemployment.

  • 3. Jon  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    you'll lose more than a dollar my friend, much more. :)

  • 4. calluna vulgaris  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    It's all in the delivery Mike. You can do it!

  • 5. Jon  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Also, I'm fascinated by the term twat bandit. I picture a guy with an eye patch, and a cape running round with a big old twat on his outfit. Like hamburgler, but with twat.

  • 6. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    which deserves an entry of its own: twatburger.

  • 7. Jon  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    nah, twatburgler sounds like a slang nickname for a lesbian. we need a catchy name, like “the cooch crusader”.

  • 8. A`a!  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    <a href=”http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/hill/AboutLastNight/

  • 9. lorie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    A, you find the best stuff. Please check your email, if you haven't yet.

  • 10. Albertito  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    oops – haven't – going now.

  • 11. will  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Good news; you can boost your serotonin with lots of foods, some easy to have around to snack on (bananas, figs, nuts). Simply add one or more of these to your list of what is on your computer desk. And if you at least have a small breakfast and lunch of some of these, then you might not have the afternoon headaches, unless there is some other cause.
    http://www.ediblemicroalgae.com/serotonin/

  • 12. will  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    One more thing: note they recommend whole grains. The description talks about people eating cake to 'feel good' but that only puts one on a precipitous blood sugar rollercoaster, so it would be best to save the Debbies for infrequent occassions.

  • 13. #a#  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Lorie – cute tiki outfit.

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