Reinventing The Ex

I just had the strangest memory.

One of my exes, known as The Ex, was all about reinventing himself. I never quite knew what he was running from, although the possibilities were endless. He’d move to a new state, change his style, change his hair, change his drug of choice – you name it.

Example: the hair. He wanted to dye his normally dark brown hair jet black. I told him that was so 1991 and that if he were really hell-bent on a new shade, to maybe consider going a little lighter instead of darker.

The Ex took this advice to extremes and purchased a box of bleach blond hair dye. Not surprisingly, he didn’t read the directions, left it on for like an hour and a half, and burned some of the skin right off his scalp. Plus, he turned his hair bright orange in the process. After an emergency call to Clairol’s color consultants, he rinsed out the dye and went about tending to the burns (which were literally raw and bleeding) on his head.

A few days later, his housemate took him to the salon to get it fixed. He ended up with a shock of bleach blonde hair, which was preferable to the carrot orange, but still. Imagine a very tall, thin guy with pale skin, black eyes, and Marilyn Monroe’s hair. He looked like Lurch.

It grew out and continued to look weird. I talked him out of dying it again while we were together, but who knows what he’s done to it since then.

But that’s all tangential. The actual memory that hit me today was this:

The Ex decided that he wanted to change his name. He was dead serious. The dead serious name he chose?

Kronk Aloycius McKracken.

I dated a cokehead who wanted to rename himself Kronk McKracken, people.

Comments 7

  • bad move, breaking up with that keeper.

  • all I can do is laugh out loud, thank god this person is your ex!

  • where do you FIND someone like that? seriously. where?

  • actually you find him on the internet. he was a horrible human being. still is. also, he made like $50K a year and had no car, as he spent all his money on drugs and video games.

  • That was frikin hilarious! BWAHAHAHA

  • ok I'll buy the beer soon – and I'll let you know when we are able to set up a match with the weather boys – we are thinking about taunting them via email

  • Whew! Perhaps it's time to step WAAAYYY back from Kronkenstein memories and get a wide context on life. I just saw one of your entries where you went searching on the web and forgot what you started searching for. Not uncommon, actually.

    If you are looking for something on the web, and forgot, then go here first. http://anzwers.org/free/universe/

    It won't be what you were trying to remember, but it will be something you won't forget.

    And once a day, look here http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html

    It will bring the previous link slowly into perspective.

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