In the Season of the Old Me

Hey, everyone- sorry about the lack of updates lately. On Friday I moved my office all day and in addition to all the other things that went wrong, there’s a problem between my computer and the network, so I was only able to sign on briefly on my secretary’s computer late in the day to check email and leave a couple of notes for people.

This weekend has been chill. I hung out with Cookie and associates, all cool people, on Friday and Saturday nights, and have done assorted other things the rest of the time.

Tomorrow I’m leaving for a week at band camp, teaching the girls how to spin and toss, and expect to have only limited internet access, if any – so it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to update again until next weekend. I’ll check email if I can.

Now that we’re all caught up, I’ll leave you with my very own “this one time, at band camp” story, in honor of my return to the band camp world after a couple of years away.

* * *

It was the summer of the go list, the thing that started it all.

My two best friends at the time – we’ll call them Virgin and Vixen – and I decided to make a list of guys we knew whom any of us would be free to hook up with if the opportunity presented itself. We agreed not to date any of them exclusively or “call dibs” – all were fair game, at any time, any place.

On the way to camp we amped it up a bit with a bet. Initially, the first person to hook up with someone from the go list would be treated to dinner by the other two. Later, we added a second challenge. Whoever had the most explicit encounter with a member of the go list would be treated to several dinners. I think we said a month’s worth or something.

Naturally we figured that Vixen would have a lock on either bet, so Virgin and I were determined to beat her somehow. It was on.

We were, to put it mildly, brazen teases that week. We tried out positions from Cosmo’s Kama Sutra on each other, scantily clad, before a mostly male audience. We spoke primarily in sexual innuendos. We went skinny-dipping. One night, we took turns demonstrating our fellatio techniques by sucking on the index fingers of many of our male friends.

But we got to the third night of camp and found ourselves in a dead tie for last place on both bets. Clearly we had to kick it up a notch. Alcohol would have to be involved.

We started drinking together and split up in the pursuit of victory. In a room party with a few go listers present, Captain Morgan smiled beatifically at me from his home on glass and I didn’t resist his charms. A few drinks later, I was smooth as butter.

“I have a bet to win,” I announced, and promptly jumped on Ambiguously Gay Hottie in front of a roomful of people. AGH, incidentally, was all tongue and no lips.

Meanwhile, we learned later, Virgin was making a similar move on Drumline Hottie #2 (a close friend of ours, and most of the drumline was on the list) in another lodge at camp.

After AGH and I had been going at it for some time, and half of the room had cleared out, he asked if I thought I’d won the bet yet, ‘cause if I hadn’t, we should move to another, more private location. I was all “I dunno, but it couldn’t hurt to lock it in,” and we left the room.

We ended up wandering around on the upper floor of another lodge, which overlooked the entry and lounge area. A lot of people we knew were up there too and we were all kind of hanging out when Vixen staggered through the front door downstairs and announced that she’d won the bet.

“I don’t know about that,” Ambiguously Gay Hottie said, and told her that we’d hooked up in front of a bunch of people in the other lodge.

Vixen, always one for shock value, proclaimed to the group that she’d just returned from going down on Freshman Hottie on the dock. “So, I still win,” she finished. “I’m gonna jack.” And off she ran to the bathroom, where she spent half the night squarfing.

Later, after reviewing the evidence, we decided that I had come in slightly ahead of Virgin on both challenges. Virgin’s encounter had been quite tame, and I got bonus points for exhibitionism. But Vixen was, in fact, the undisputed winner, and proceeded to make her way through at least half of the go list during the next couple of months.

The next day we were wrecked, but it was worth it, and the three of us were rather notorious for the rest of the season.

Yes – I am sometimes a ho. Glad you asked.

Now I’m going to go pack my stuff and get ready for what promises to be a much calmer camp than that year turned out to be. I’ll miss you all, and I’m looking forward to having more time to write when I return.

Till then!

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