Ten Ways I’d Never Begin an Entry

July 23, 2003

Okay, I was late getting to it this morning, because the minute I came in I had to run to a meeting and just got back. But anyway.

Mike and I bounce ideas off of one another like a baby-bouncing contest. So in conjunction with vitriolic spree, I bring you the following ten ways I’d never begin an entry.

1. “My life is so boring…”

*2. “I ate 600 calories today. So I’m down to 103 pounds now – only 10 more to go!”

3. “Let me tell you about the monster truck rally last night…”

4. “Here’s a poem I wrote…” Oh wait, I’ve done that. I meant, “Here are the lyrics to a song I really like…”

5. “Hey everyone, check out my new Christina/Britney/Avril/insert musical “artist” here template! ____ is totally my favorite song…”

*6. “I cut myself in four places on my arm last night, and it looks really cool, and check out my new pro-cutting template!”

7. “Today I got doped up and played Sega all day…”

8. “So I’ve been praying about this, and…”

9. “I’m really stressed about my upcoming vacation, because I won’t be able to go to the gym…”

10. “I’ve joined the Republican party…”

*please note: I am not ripping on people who are legitimately battling eating disorders/self-mutilation. I am, however, ripping on the disconcerting number of teenage girls who are finding it trendy to attempt to develop an eating disorder/self-mutilation, and making/joining diaryrings that are pro-these things, and getting templates that go along with this whole scary heroin-chic sort of trend. So, no hate mail.

Tune in later for a stolen story about a cool haircut.

Filed under: old diaryland entries


  • 1. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    did you have to make your list so much better than mine? slut.

  • 2. lorie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    well…yeah. i did. because i am awesome. i am so awesome that everyone in the world wants to sleep with me. i also have an ego the size of chicago.

  • 3. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    if by ego you mean booty. burn!

  • 4. lorie  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    haha, i guess you told me. so how's the housecat's anal fissure? healing up nicely?

  • 5. tony  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    #11 So I have this housecat with an anal fissure…

  • 6. Braedonia  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    AGREED my friend. TOTALLY agreed! I'm off to the west coast! PEACE!

  • 7. mike  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    cat sex rocks.

  • 8. everyone wants to get down like that  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    geez, what I'll do for a follow up

  • 9. will  |  January 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

    Tony, when I read your entry, I had the best laugh all week, just totally cracked up… um, nothing to do with that cat fissure thing, mind you…

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