Love Affairs

It’s 10:19 in the a.m. and I think if I don’t eat some macaroni & cheese as soon as possible I might die.

Mmmm, mac&cheese. I like the Velveeta Shells and Cheese, I like Easy Mac, and I like the wonderful generic box of macaroni with the powdered cheese. But those casseroles with real cheddar chunks and saltines and stuff on them? They can suck it. Icky.

* * *

The cats are trying to fake me out by acting like they haven’t eaten all day. I know that this is bullshit because Battery always feeds them first thing in the morning before she goes to work, but they apparently think that every time someone wakes up for the day, it’s time for them to eat. So they follow me around frantically yowling and rubbing against my legs and dashing over to gaze at the food canister with soulful starving eyes, like little neglected Somalian children.

* * *

WOW. The weather outside today is unbelievable. I just poked my head out to check it out and…wow.

Whenever I’m asked what my favorite season is, I never say spring unless it actually is spring. If it’s summer, fall, or winter then I’ll always state fall as my favorite season. But then spring comes with its sunny skies and green grass and good smells and I’m like “oh Spring, my forgotten lover, why have you forsaken me?” and Spring is like “you’re a fair weather friend, you skanky sweater-wearing bitch” and I’m like “naw, baby, it’s you I want” and Spring’s like “suck it. The minute the leaves start falling you’ll be putting on turtlenecks and fellating Fall.”

Which may be true. But today, I adore Spring and I want to marry it and have its sweet-smelling little clover green children and I want to wear pastels and pretty skirts and sandals and flit about outside and feel the warm air embrace me and be filled with joy.

I wish I could skip work and sit outside in a rocking chair all day sipping sweet iced tea and reading a book in a big floppy hat or something.

Yay. Time for my brunch of macaroni & cheese!

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