The New Toys

March 15, 2003

I’m going to go work in product development for Little Tykes. I already have lots of good ideas. Witness the magic:

Little Tykes Bartender Set: You’re dying for a Jack & Coke, but since that hag of a wife left you there’s been no one to make it for you…until now. With the magic of the Little Tykes Bartender Set, little Suzie will be whipping you up a double in no time!

Little Tykes Crash Cart: That lifestyle’s really getting to you. The doctor says you’ll die of a heart attack within the year, but it’s not like you can stop eating 16 oz. steaks every day. Besides, nothing starts the day off better than a mess o’fried eggs and a Marlboro Red. Never fear! With the Little Tykes Crash Cart you can live however you damn well please. If something should go wrong (not that it will – it won’t happen to YOU), Bobby will know just what to do. CLEAR!

Little Tykes Honda Civic: Every little boy dreams of the day when he can pick up bitches in his pimped-out Honda Civic. Why wait? Now he can get a head start on pimpdom with the Little Tykes Honda Civic. *The Little Tykes Honda Civic retails for $9.99. Rims, spoiler, and system retail for $249.99 each. Bitches not included.

Little Tykes Pop Diva Dress-Up Set: Every little girl hopes to one day be just like Britney, Christina, or Avril. Now she can live her dream with the Little Tykes Pop Diva Dress-Up Set. Comes complete with skanky hair extensions, low-rise leather chaps, recording contract, and contact information for Colin Farrell.

See? I think I’ve found a new career path.

* * *

This morning Dad and I got up early to go to the Shamrock Volleyball Tournament which was being held in about a zillion different places in the ‘Noke. There were a few specific teams we wanted to see so we ended up going to Hollins University for one game, Salem High School for one game, and Hidden Valley High School for the last one. At SHS’s gym which I’ve never been to before, they have signs showing where the Salem fans sit and where the visiting fans should sit. I think it’s kind of unnecessary. If you have a Salem jacket on, you sit with the Salem jackets. If not, you sit far, far away. Also? Hidden Valley High School is a bit excessive, I think.

That is all.

Filed under: old diaryland entries

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