I am such a ho. Seriously.
Okay, last night I met S and H, two of my best friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years and we went to have a girls’ night out.
We started at Outback (where both our male and female servers flirted with me!) and progressed to Corned Beef where it was like a bizarro world high school reunion. I saw like 8 people from my h.s. class, including one, G, whom we’d JUST been discussing at Outback, wondering if the rumors that she was a stripper were true. They aren’t, by the way.
But anyway, here’s the part where I’m a ho:
If you happened to have been at Corned Beef on Friday night and saw an extremely drunk young woman making out with a random guy in one of the phone booths, well, um…that would be me.
So I’m telling my friend A about making out with J in the phone booth today and she was like “what the fuck were you doing in a phone booth? Was he Superman?”
I was too drunk to walk so my friends told me to sit in the phone booth and they continued with their partying. And I was sitting in the phone booth trying to drunk-dial F with an expired calling card on a broken pay phone when this guy randomly appeared and started talking to me.
I didn’t go home with him. And it’s a good thing, because apparently he was MARRIED.
My apologies go out to Mrs. Phone Booth Guy. Your husband is certainly a good kisser, by the way.
Phone Booth Guy’s friend came up at one point and started grabbing my ass, and despite my 352,503,985 Coronas and shots of tequila, I was self-aware enough to grab him by the throat and tell him that if he touched my ass again I’d rip his dick off and shove it down his throat.
That’s right, I’m an assertive drunken tramp with plenty of self-respect. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!
-the right heel on my brown leather boots
-unexplained bruises on my knee and my right index finger
Not too shabby, all things considered.